Antiques & The Arts

Charity Shop Sue | Part 16 | It’s the New Me

[Knocking] I’ll just have to go and fetch the key. [Knocking] [Knocking] [Knocking] Sorry about that. What time you call this? She’s a bit indisposed I’m sorry. I don’t care, it’s absolutely rubbish that is. I wanna buy one of these dolls for me mum. Oh lovely. But you can forget it now. It’s all right you can still buy a dolly. No I ain’t got time now. 15 minutes after you’re supposed to open. What’s your manager called? I’m not allowed to give out names. Well I don’t care, I’m gonna make a complaint. Call in and when I’m there, I’ll give you a discount. I don’t care. I don’t want to give any money to this charity now after that. Thats ******* ****. Oh there’s no need to be like that. Vera? She’s not feeling very well. Gimme those keys back. Don’t you talk to me like that. I will. Because you’re crawling up that lady’s arse. You’ve lost us a customer. You’re lucky you ain’t got two black eyes. She had devil written all over her face. Put those keys… You’re joking. Put those keys back in my pocket. I was dreaming about Janet all night. Excuse me. Excuse me. Yes. I just want to say one word to ya. Right. Nose. I want to say a second word to you right now. Bleed. Put them together. Nosebleed laydeh. This was only dripping a minute ago. I feel like I’ve had stigmata. I’ve got clots coming out my nose, can you see that? [Music] [Cracking noise] That was the chair, not me. I know. Don’t want you blaming me… I smell it when it’s you. Don’t be so cheeky. Mine don’t smell, mine are perfumed. Obviously. Oh my God. Ohhh. Oh wow! You look absolutely beautiful. Lovely. Come up here, let’s have a look. Give us a twirl. Catwalk. Da da daaa daa da. Sexy lady! Yeah. You look stunning. Did you have your photograph taken as well? Yeah. Oh lovely. Don’t you look amazing. You look beautiful, really really beautiful. I wouldn’t have recognised you. Wow. In’t it nice. You look nice don’t ya? She looks amazing. Mmmm. You look like a whole different person. Yeah. I think you look lovely. Viki? Viki. I wanna little word with ya. Come on beauty queen. [Whistles] Come in here, out the way. Who did that for ya? I got a voucher from Vera. Have you seen Vera’s make up? Right? Heavy. There’s been a few rumours going round about Vera and I do not want you being tarred with the same mucky brush. Bloody make up. You should have come to me gal. I’m upset It’s the new me though. It’s not the new you darlin’. It’s the new me. It’s not the new you. It’s the new me. It’s not the new you darlin’. It’s the new me. No. I want that off. I’m gonna have a new rule in the shop. Oh here she comes! One o’clock. Janet. Mm-hmm. People aren’t pulling their weight. The one thing that’s really concerning me, okay? We need someone in to do the steamin’. Mable died, I’m upset about that, I’m still getting over it and the problem is she’s left a big hole in everybody’s life. Who’s gonna do the steamin’? Can’t Viki do it? I don’t mind doing it now and again but Gloria can do it. Can’t Viki do it? Why are you doing this… Why are you doing this today? I’ve been training her for a year, she’s no
good at the steamin’. I’ve been doing it sometimes though. Excuse me? She likes doing it. Who’s… what was that? Say that again.
To these ladies. I’ve been doing it. Right. Well that’s what’s wrong with her then. She’s not trained. Have you got a certificate? What do you need a certificate for? Er… Mable hasn’t got a certificate. I write one up for people when they’ve done it. Okay? So when they leave here, they’ve got something to strive towards and show other employers. A qualification is it? Yes. A steamer in a charity shop. Who is… right do you know what? Today, I’m absolutely spinning out. I’ve got Janet coming down at one o’clock and you lot are just fucking me off about this steamer. I do not wan’t to hear about this steam once more today. Cause steam to me today, equals wind up and that is screwing with my head. Right? Let’s go and have a cigarette, come on. Let’s go and have a fag. That is… Come on. Let’s go and have a fag. Don’t you go near that steamer again laydeh because all I’m thinking about is how mad your Mum is gonna go. It’s got nothing to do with what I… She could have had an accident and I’d be ringing her mum. Hello you all right? No your daughters just died she had an accident with the steamer. You can do the steaming. We know that, don’t we? Yeah. She don’t want you to do it because she’s not very good at it herself. That’s why. [Music] Let me put a little bit more water in that. It’s Mama Tuke’s recipe. Love it. You love it? I like it and so’s a lot of other people going to like it, so can we get rid of the negativity? I can see the cogs of your little mind. Maybe just perhaps you were expecting a certain visitor today and you were trying to impress? That’s got nothing to do with it thanks very much. All right. This is what I’m saying, I cannot abide this. It stinks. You think it’s the soup? It’s the bloody guts in this box. I’m f****** sick of it. No I’m not having that. That wasn’t nice. Not happy. You can have a word with her about that. She won’t be happy when she knows what you’ve done. You could have at least put it in gently. Right anyway. Actually you could have put it in the soup. It might have improved it. I’m gonna just go and get Kersch in on this I need Kersch. OK? Right. Don’t go gobbling it all, greedy guts. Oh dear. I don’t even think Viki could drink that. She’s only doing all this because, whoops… Can’t get the lid back on. Quick, before she comes. Clever. She’s only doing all this because she thinks Janet’s coming and she wants to impress her. And she keeps calling it a shithole and it’s not a shithole. We clean it. She sits behind the desk all the time, we’re the ones running around like somebody not right. Steaming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, tidying. Er… er, er, ba, ba, ba. Hello. Sue’s got ears, Sue can hear. Sue not happy. You’d think you were the manager. You’re not. Stop it. I’d make a good manager. I get on with people. He’s to bloody blame in there in’t he. [Music]

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