How Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse Should Have Ended
Okay lets go through this one more time. My name is Peter Parker. I’ve had several Spider-Man movies… and for the last 14 years I’ve had a few… How It Should Have Endeds I jumped out of the way of some grenades… I argued with a talking lizard… I decided to become an Avenger I uh… I even did this… I will shoot this mortal man… in the face! That one… that one got dark. I’m not gonna lie. But hey! At least I predicted the Marvel and Sony Deal! So there’s that! Anyway. For years I’ve always had a second chance… at how it should have… Spider-Man, would you stop narrating please? What? Wait. Are you that same kid from forever ago? Yes. Wow. Now I feel old. You were Narrating. It’s still kind of unnecessary. But it’s not! Look, kid, it’s kind of my thing. I narrate. I’m sorry. It’s just what I.. No narrating! Okay fine. Let’s just see how Spider-Verse Should’ve Ended. Mister Morales! You’re late again. Einstein said time was relative right? Maybe I’m not late. Maybe you guys are just early. Hehehe I’m sorry. It just was really quiet. Wait a minute! You’re not one of my students! Who are you?! Uh…. Whoa! Swing up there, push the key, and blow it up. There’s not much time. But I don’t’ know how to get up there. Don’t worry. It’s taken care of. Here. Take this. Oh! All we have to do… Is kill a couple of spiders… and then we can bring your family back. as many families as you want. Tomorrow… My collider. Here’s a bright idea… Why don’t you just do the thing now… Instead of giving the good guys time to figure out a plan to stop you? Good point. Not tomorrow. Let’s do it now. I’ll see you at the Collider. So I got my wife and kid back! heheheehehe Well they’re not really your wife and kid. You stole them from a different dimension. Yeah! What if the other you gets super pissed and vows revenge? hehehe That’s not gonna happen. You! I’ll kill you!
AAAAAGH! You know I have thermal vision right? I can see you. No you cant. Uncle Aaron… Please! Prowler…What are you waiting for? Finish it. Spidey Sense! Saved your life! That’s not nice! You alright kid? Whoa. Thanks Miles. You saved my life. You’re welcome Uncle Aaron. But you’re still going to prison! Awe Man! You took my family! Now I’m gonna make sure you never see yours again! Kingpin Smash! Get up Spider-Man. You took my family! Now I’m gonna make sure you never see yours agai… Dad! Miles?! I mean uh… ehem.. uh… Thank you for your bravery tonight! Miles! Miles! Got a minute? We forgot to do your cafe scene! Cafe scene? It’s like a tradition! Hey! Nice job, kid! Is that Batman and Superman? Yeah they just sit here all the time and pass judgement on peoples work… It’s kind of sad but it’s all they’ve got… so just go along with it. Hey fellas! Did you hear about how we saved the universe?! Yes we did! Congratulations! I mean it’s a miracle that you and your dad survived that explosion without a scratch… but whatever! I don’t think that sounds weird. Yeah sounds normal to me! I survive explosions all the time! Bruce what’d you think? I don’t know… Felt like you copied a lot from the Bat universe if you asked me. What?! Copied! How? Uh.. Spider-Man’s batcave! Plenty of heroes have a secret lair! Family member dies in an alley! That’s like standard hero motivation! Noir guy! You can’t tell me he’s not a batman knock off! You’re my favorite though by the way. Thanks. Pig man! I don’t know. You remind me kind of like Looney Tunes… so… WB. Close enough. And I’m not sorry! And you three. Well I can’t really think of anything yet but I’ll think of something. Why is Batman so grumpy? Is it because he’s Batman? Should I offer him some candy? shh I think you’re just trying to find reasons to be negative. No I’m not! Yes you are! Okay you got me. I am. I don’t mean any of it. What do you mean? Are you saying? I’m saying I think you guys are the GOAT! I don’t think it’s cool when he says that. Greatest of all time! That’s high praise! Wow! Really? When Miles tells Peter… You gotta go home, man. And then sends him back to his universe I’m just like… He really is the best of all of us! Wow! Batman really liked our movie! It’s so inspiring! AAAAGHHH
Okay let’s turn it back a bit there, Batman What’s up Danger! He’s going through a lot right now. He’s kind of in a transitional period. Ugh… I know those onions. I swear you sound so familar. *shrugs* So is this gonna be like a thing now? You guys keep teaming up with other spiders in the multi-verse? Works for me! I don’t have any plans! I mean I hope so! We have to see where this is going. Right? What? Where what’s going? Hey. Oh! Hey. Hey great job kid! You didn’t get your hand stuck in her hair this time! What? How do you guys know about that? What do you mean how do I know that? Everybody knows Thats why I like my hands extra slippery! You’re embarrassing me!
We’re a big family! Our boy’s all growd’s up. Man… I wish I could hang out with all the Batmen in the Bat Universe. Alright. Let me try and explain this to you. This french fry is my universe. It’s awesome and perfect. It can do anything. Your fries are different. This one is vintage and retro. kinda silly. That’s yours. Your french fry is exactly what everybody wants its delicious. And yours… Your french fry has nipples. It’s weird. It’s gross. We don’t talk about your french fry. I have nipples on my chest… because I’m Batman. No! I say Because I’m Batman! Why do you get to say it? I am Batman! Because I’m Batman! I too… am also Batman, chum. You’re all Batman but I say Because I’m Batman. I also say I’m Batman because I’m Batman. No! It’s me! Because I’m Batman! I’m Batman. No! I’m Batman! Because I’m Batman! I’m batman. I’m Batman! I’m pretty sure I’m also Batman. I was Batman. No I’m BATMAN! Stop taking it! I’m the Batman! Did somebody say Batman? Ugh…. This was a huge mistake. Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Doin things that a spider can again y’all! Miles Morales! And his friends! Peter, Peni, Pig, and Noir, and Spider-Gwen! Okay. Show me one more time. Hey. So it’s like this. Hey. Whasuup? No it’s not whussup. It’s just… Hey. Hey. I’m Batman! No no! It’s just… Hey. Heeey. You wanna know my secret identity? *sigh* This is gonna take a while. Hey I’m Batman!