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Sounding Off on Fart Porn & The Gifts Guys Send to Lisa Ann

Sounding Off on Fart Porn & The Gifts Guys Send to Lisa Ann


– We got in the car.
– Mm-hmm. – And went to
the Village Underground. We got out of the car. Shane and Jacob go,
“We’re going to get pizza real quick at Ben’s.”
– Wink, nudge. – Gone for a while.
Gone definitely enough time to eat pizza and suck
each other’s dicks, 100%. – I think they went straight
to Minetta Lane, took a left…
– Yeah, yeah! – …and then went to town.
– Oh, yeah. One of those little fuckin’ like
garden apartment stairwells? You could definitely
fuck it out in there, dude. – And they definitely started with the gay punch
in the shoulder. – And it ended in gay fart porn.
– Where Shane was like, “Hell yeah,” and Jacob’s like,
“You, you stop it, mister.” (blowing raspberry)
– Ow! (punches landing sound effect) – Corey and– you guys,
Corey and Lynn missed us watching gay fart porn
yesterday, but we’ll watch more today.
– Oh, it’ll be back today big. I promise you
it’ll be back today big. – It’s a hit. You actually see the buttholes. ♪♪ At one point, one time, we got
lewd doin’ the buttholes, going, “Oh, oh, oh.”
– It’s so much better. It’s so much better than,
uh, than girl– girl-on-girl fart porn.
– Yes. Hetero fart porn?
P.U. – Well, it’s not hetero.
– We’re saying we don’t like– – Just watch– I’m saying–
– I’m saying we’re so progressive,
we watch gay fart porn. – Is there any guy farting
on girl porn? Because now I’m starting
to think that– maybe there’ll be nothing better
in the world than that. – Man! What a fucking
lurch right! – There’s definitely
girl farting on guy. – Yeah.
– But is there guy farting on girl? – I wanna see that.
– Where, as the man, you’re playing out your fantasy
in your head of farting on women.
– Yeah! – Oh, my God.
– Come on. (man speaking Japanese on video) (woman whimpering on video) (woman gagging on video) (man speaking Japanese
and woman gasping on video) – I’ll tell you what.
My most offended is the– that it’s Japanese people. Can we get something–
some people that didn’t bomb us in the war?
– Whoa, wow. Really holding on to that.
Really holding on to that day that’ll live
in infamy. – Uh, yeah, no Germans,
no Japanese, please. I know it’s hard to find
this kind of porn not involving those people.
– Jay is filthy, but he has
a “no Axis of Evil”– – I have some political lines.
– He goes, you bring up Musso– No Italians, Japanese,
or Germans. – I draw very,
very definite lines. – I respect you.
I come from a time of the Korean War. My pappy fought in the ’50s. – Thank you, Lou. He understands. Uh, oh, yeah.
Hang on. Turn it up.
– Oh, Jesus Christ! (man on video)
Oh, she’s going to town!
– Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! – Wait, is there a fart
in this one? – It said “fart.” (man on video)
No, what kind of ass?
– Hey!
Oh, buddy! – Says “Guy fart on–”
– Hang on a second. Pause it for a second. We’ll make sure
there’s a fart in this. What’s happening in this room? What are you
falling apart from? What’s going on, Jacob? – How open that butthole is.
– So what? But what’s your problem?
That’s the problem you have? You’re not having a problem
with the action taking place? – I don’t care
that she’s eating butt. Good for her.
– Oh, okay. Jacob, I feel like you have a problem
with the action taking place. – I’m talking about
it looks like a fucking portal
to another dimension is opening. – Well, she’s
stretching it, dude. – Cool!
– Your asshole looks so great? – (stammering)
What? How in the world would that be
a logical way of thinking, where I’m like, I should look
at this gaping asshole? Who am I?
I’ve got an asshole, that I keep shut
like a polite gentleman. – You’re watching this
for entertainment, dude. You’re not watching
to critique assholes. – Yeah, cool!
I’m sorry that seeing a gaping butthole doesn’t–
I’m not just like– – Listen, I jumped.
I’m apologizing. I jumped ’cause I thought
the problem in this room was attacking the idea of having
your butthole licked. – No. What?
Come on, dude. – Jacob?
– How long we been doing this dance?
– Well, I’ll tell you, Jacob does not like seeing a guy
get his butthole licked. – I wouldn’t last one day
in a woman’s prison. – I don’t think you would.
I don’t think you would at all. – I agree.
– Do you– oh, man. Jacob, if you could get
this kind of treatment done– if this girl– if the hottest
girl in the world– – No! This girl right here! She’s not the hottest girl
in the world, but she’s cute.
– If that girl was like, “I’ll do that to you,
but I have to do that first”? – Cute black chick
licking your butthole? Come on, dude.
– No, I was giving him one of his fantasy girls. – Just feet away from your
Nazi book that you have on your bookshelf?
– That you say is an historical book but–
– I’m saying yes. – You’re saying yes, right?
Yeah. – I’d go for it, yeah.
– Oh, okay. I feel like you were against
butthole licking. – No.
– I was not okay with that. – If I had to gape,
I probably might lock up. – You can’t–
You can’t just gape. Someone’s gotta gape you. Oh, we’ll get into this with our
guest a little bit later. She probably knows
the technicalities more of this kind of situation.
– The science? – Christine, please, if you
could with the clip, please? – ♪ Porn science ♪ Oh, look at that. (woman on video)
It’s nice, white, and pink.
– This is gonna be so good.
– (man on video)How come younever eat black ass before?– How’s that not a T-shirt? These girls gotta think
about merch. (man laughing on video,
flatulence on video) Oh, yes! Back up!
That was it. He farted on her tongue
by accident. That’s what everyone’s
laughing at. – She’s not happy with it.
– She’s not. Go back. – That’s– I bet that–
I bet that guy thought it was gonna kill.
– Turn it up. (flatulence on video)
– Ohh! Come on. (flatulence on video)
Ohh! That sounds like a buzzard.
– The guy afterwards goes, “Ha ha.”
(flatulence on video) – It’s much meaner to watch
a man fart in a woman’s face than a dude fart
in another dude’s face. – Yeah.
– (man on video)Did you justdrop ass, dude?Did you?(woman on video)
That’s so gross.
(man on video)
He did.
– That’s badass.
– That’s so funny that– I mean, dude, that girl–
– I like she had a line there. Just, “That…
that wasn’t cool.” – Yeah, she goes,
“I’m willing to get banged out while I suck
your friend’s butt.” Real quick,
you fart in my fa– I mean, she’s right though.
– You guys, listen. I think it’s a weird–
Like, ’cause it– Christine– Lynn, I’ll ask you this also. Does a guy farting–
like grossly farting, it smells and the whole deal–
if you found him sexually attractive before,
it does gotta chop some of that away. – Just the smell.
Like, why– – So it’s not the noise.
It’s the smell. – Yeah.
– If it was just loud, not– And not–
– I’d be impre– I’d be impressed at the fact
that it didn’t smell, if it was just loud and funny.
– You know what used to be– I used to– I used to have a–
I still kind of do, but I have a good streak
on loud and funny farts that don’t really smell
that bad. When I dog fart,
it is a nightmare. – But my concern would be that–
– When I feel that heat. – I rip a loud fart and I go–
and immediately Lynn goes like, “Well, he’s gross,
like, forever.” – Oh, yeah.
– You’re saying the same thing, Lou.
– Forever. – Yeah, I’d be like,
“That’s it.” She would never see me
in any kind of– even like, “Oh, hey,
Jay’s attractive.” It would always be like,
“Nah, that guy farts weird.” – I blew it with a girl I had
a crush on freshman year at Arizona ’cause I farted. – I think you told us
that before too, yeah. And it’s like I think–
But you– – So now I’m like Batman.
Now I use my fear against my enemies,
and I just fart everywhere. – You just do.
– You love it. – You don’t give a shit.
– Yeah, I don’t give a shit. Pun intended.
– If Black Lou’s wife was sitting in here?
– No. – Yes.
– Guests I’m cool with, but like if it was like–
if Lou got a girlfriend or– you know what I mean?
– You honked right on B-Rod one day.
– Yeah, but B-Rod is B-Rod,
B-Rod is part of the crew. – And you’ll hang one on her?
– She’s married. Her husband ain’t here.
I don’t owe him nothing. – It doesn’t matter. Isn’t it just weird
you don’t want him to see- – (Spanish accent)
Did you fart on my wife? There is a thing–
a saying in my country, that if you fart on my wife,
I must kill you. (normal voice)
Yeah, Becky was in the vicinity. But Becky takes pictures.
She’s– you know what I mean? – She’s ready for farts.
I’m not sure the correlation
was gonna be there, Dan. – Dude, she’s a war
correspondent. She gets it.
– She’s been in the shit before. – Yeah.
But if like, um– (flatulence) If your sis– if you brought
in your family… – Mm-hmm?
– …don’t think I’d fart. – You’d draw the line
at my mom? – Yeah, wouldn’t fart
in front of Terre. – So make sure
she wants to fuck you? – Yeah, I want to keep
the sexual allure alive. – But you’ll fart in front
of Christine no problem. – Christine’s crew. – I know, but still. – Christine’s in– ingrained.
She’s like part of the crew. – I wouldn’t fart
in front of B-Rod. – Cool.
– But you don’t fart in front of anybody.
You’re not a farter. You don’t fart in front
of your guy friends. You don’t fart in front of your
girl friends. You start like–
you fart around me. – I know. Bums us out.
– Huh? – You’ll fart around me.
Like that pretty much it. – But not even a ton.
– But you were a ton, and I was like, could you stop
farting like all the time? – I bet he’s got funny farts
though, doesn’t he? – Christine thinks
it’s so much better. She goes into a room away. – That’s weird as shit.
– She goes into– well, it’s–
– My farts smell. I don’t want
to smell up the room. – All right,
if you know your brand– you know your brand.
– It’s not for the noise. If it was just funny,
it’d be funny. – Listen, I know I’m a loud pop,
very little noise– very little smell.
– Instead of just doing it in the room where
I’m gonna hear and smell, which I do appreciate that,
she goes in the bathroom, and what’s funny is–
this is what happens every time, with shitting or farting,
by the way… – I’m the wife at home.
– Yeah. – …shitting or farting,
by the way, is, uh, she gets up to try and
discreetly get off and do it, but we’re watching something.
– Yeah. – So I pause it.
– So there’s silence. – So what she isn’t even
paying attention to is that I just paused it
and grabbed my phone and start playing “Candy Crush”
or whatever, and all you hear is the echo
of bowl farts like… (imitating echoing flatulence) You’re like,
oh, it’s worse! And then I told her
that happens. Then she goes in there,
and as soon as she goes in the bathroom,
for some reason, she’s turning the tub on
while she’s taking a piss. – Buy me a bigger home.
– Tub? Tub? Wait, you turn on the tub? – I mean, the tub’s right there.
It’s how the bathroom’s set up. – Why not the sink?
– ‘Cause I can’t reach the sink from my toilet.
– So turn on the sink when you walk in.
– That would be– – Either way,
I’ll hear whatever it is. When you’re turning it on,
I know you’re gonna rip– you’re just telling me
you’re ripping ass either way. – Yeah, but the water
can take it. ‘Cause when you
actually hear noise, it’s like hearing a punch land. It jars you. My bath– my bathroom’s
right next to my room, and I hear Vecchione
go in there and take some pretty grizzly shits
some mornings and I hear it. – He’s grunting ’em out?
– Yeah, he– – Oh, you hear like the…
(imitates flatulence) – Yeah, yeah.
You hear the rip. And I know he’s heard me
’cause sometimes I don’t kick the fan on.
– Yeah. No, Christine’s fucking–
I’ve heard her fucking coiling up some. Um, Corey in Port Washington
wants to know, “Farted on or queefed on,
which is better?” Queefed on, easy.
– Queefed on, all day. – Super easy.
– All day, every day. – Queefs don’t smell.
– Queef is also– Well, well, mm-hmm,
back down, Christine. – I mean–
– Uh, no. It’s just that a queef,
for the most part, has always made me feel like,
oh, look at that. I, like, fucked–
I fucked– actually it’s weird. – I gave you life!
– If the queef sound happens upon like entry…
(flatulence) …on a point,
then I’m like, oh, wow, that’s like
big-dick shit right there. It like made me feel like
I fuckin’ filled her up. However, when I– maybe this
is the reason I don’t like fucking from behind. This might be
a real breakthrough we’re having right here.
– Okay, let’s go. Let’s explore this.
– I think the size of my dick…
– Mm-hmm. – …maybe like the lack of–
lack of big length or whatever, or whatever I think is
supposed to be happening in fucking from behind that
I always say I’m not a fan of– ‘Cause even recently
I’ve said that. Me and Christine have done some
from-behind fucking recently, and I can’t look at her face. And, uh, no. This is upon
her request actually. And ’cause I always say–
– Here we are. – I say I’m not good at it.
She’s like, I am good at it. We go for it,
and I’m always like, I think it’s ’cause
my legs give out or I just don’t– I get tired
of it after a while. And the thing is,
I don’t get tired of it after a while. I think I know why
I’ve made all these excuses. It’s ’cause I’ve really–
for some reason it makes my dick feel little
when I’m done fucking from behind,
and then the girl flips over, and then for the next
five minutes, they’re going… (imitating flatulence) Like all my little dick did was
just like stir up air… – You stuffed ’em full of air.
– …in her pussy. Yeah, but like in my mind,
it was like, if there was more dick in there,
the queefs would’ve happened… – Such a weird correlation.
– …on entry. – That is a weird correlation.
That’s weird. You have strange dick science. You have almost like
medieval dick science. – You’re like, I bring in
the wind of a bad spirit. – If I fuck Christine
from behind… – Yes.
– …and she laid on her stomach for the next eight hours…
– Yeah. – …and then you came over,
and I go, Christine, flip over, and she flipped over,
it would go… (imitating flatulence) – That’s not even true! – Dude, I don’t know why that
story made me think of this, but back when I had– when I was
a waiter and I had no insurance, I used to go to Bellevue.
I had to get an endoscopy done. ‘Cause it was like–
– Doctor queefed on you? – Dude, ’09, you remember
when I had like gut problems and it was like
I gotta quit drinking. – At EastVille Comedy Club
you told me that information. – Yeah, and I go and I’m going
to get the endoscopy done, and I’m in the recov–
I’m like, the recovery room is also the prep room
’cause it’s Bellevue. And this guy is on his side
and the doctor’s like, “It’s all right.
Just let it go.” And they’re pushing his stomach
and it’s like… (imitating flatulence) And it’s just like
these long like… (imitating flatulence) And he’s like, “Ohh!”
You’re just hearing it. And like by the third one,
it made me laugh, ’cause it was like
you can only hear like wind coming out of a butt long enough
without it being funny. – Mm-hmm.
– It’s medicinal for a while, and then it just becomes like,
it’s clear he’s okay and it’s clear that they’re
just pushing on his stomach and forcing out a lot of air
out of his butt. – Yeah.
– Dude, it made me laugh. And then the nurse looked over–
– They’re farting him. – Yeah, it was like–
That’s what they were doing. It was like they were–
It was like they were stuffing an air mattress
back in the box, you know? They’re like…
(imitating flatulence) And he was just like–
this old man was on his side– – Trying to get
the inflatable pool back. – Yeah, he was like, “Ugh!” Think it might have been a lady.
I don’t know if it was a lady or a guy.
Whoever it was, they were on their side
and they’re just like… (groaning)
Just moaning as the air rushed out
of their butt. I remember you telling me
a story years ago on a podcast about a dude. A fan sent you
like a bag of come? – Semen, yes.
– It’s always a joke between — – Frozen, I heard, though.
– Yeah. – No, it wasn’t.
– Oh! So weird! – Loose jizz? – Just in a bunch
of Ziploc baggies. And I was too young
to have a sense of humor. Now I would’ve gone–
that would’ve gotten traction. I could’ve put that
on social media and been like, let’s do a poll. What did the guy think
I should do with it? Should I get a baster or was
I supposed to rub it on me? Like what was I
supposed to do with it? – I wanna know how he came
in the bag. That’s impressive.
– And it was definitely not one time.
I think it was a week event. – Get my come bag!
– Saved it. You know, it was–
I had– – How much come
would you say was in there? Could it fill a medicine cap?
– Oh, for sure. For sure.
It was traumatic. I was a very afraid of the mail.
After that, I kind of squeezed things and–
– Did it look like the bag in “Fight Club”
where they’re trying to get it over the fence
and it breaks on ’em? – The fat?
No, no way it was that thick. It’s gotta look almost like a… – It was like a freezer bag
inside another freezer bag inside another freezer bag.
– Are you Napoleon– You Napoleon confident? – Chris, you’re not gonna
mail that shit. – Dude…
– You can’t mail that. I mean…
– That’s just… That’s just a great thing. He’s like, I’m gonna lose it.
Gimme my bag. – Did he still have
the consistenc…? – Who’s he talking to?
He has no one. He’s living in
his grandmother’s basement. – At least visually–
You don’t know that. – Could have a decent duplex.
– All right, a small basement. – I was living on my own
before I sent it to you. – I was in a town house. – You’re way too young
to have done that. – I was in a town house. Uh, what was it–
Could you tell in the bag the consistency that this was– I feel like, call me crazy,
but I feel… – I wasn’t gonna open it
and smell it. I’ll tell you that right now.
– Fair enough. – Jay just goes like this,
he goes, well, let’s just get in here
and see what’s going on. – I go– I put on my–
if it numbs up my gums… Yeah, yeah, yeah.
– You go, this guy… I’ll tell you this, this guy’s
been eating his pineapples. – This guy’s fertile. – So then I was kinda paranoid
about mail and people ’cause everyone told me–
My whole life I’ve been told I’m gonna be
stalked and killed by the gifts
that are sent to me. So like there’d be
tracking devices and teddy bears and stuff. So I would open
all my fan mail, put it in a baggie,
in a garbage bag, and then I would always
take it like to Ralphs and throw it in their dumpster.
– Yeah. Smart. – ‘Cause I was like, well,
if there is a tracking device and I put it in my trash,
it’s gonna be sitting here. – Yeah.
– So the paranoid life… – I thought you mean you stick
it at Ralph Sutton’s house and then people go
and kill Ralph. – He goes, “Uh, there’s
a lot of guys coming over my house.” – “Hey, a lot of weirdos
keep asking if Lisa Ann’s here.”
– Ralphs grocery store. – I know, I know
what you meant. “Why do a bunch of people
keep ringing my doorbell asking for you?” – “Why is there trash here?” – “Look what I found
in the garbage, “was a bag of come. You think I could keep it?” – I love that you remember
that story about me. You know, like I think about
what people will say to me at my service
when I pass away, years away. Everyone’s gonna have
a ridiculous story. Bring that one.
– I… – Bring that one.
– Well, the reason I think about it is ’cause we were joking around
about guys at porn conventions, is when Shane and I were
on the road. And somehow it turned
into us doing E-40, the Bay Area rapper, rapping like he was a creep
at a porn convention. He was like, “Ooh.
I come up to porn stars and give them Ziploc bags
full of come.” And it was always the thing.
That was always… ‘Cause I told her that story.
He was like, “Ooh, I’m making dolls
out of your hair and saying we’re in
a relationship.” – What’s the, uh– I bet
you have a great one of these. What’s the best fan
at a convention, walked up and hands you– I mean, you’ve gotta get some–
I’ve gotten some bizarre ones. – Oh, gosh, I was
on the road somewhere. I want to say maybe
it was in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania, but a guy…
– Another bag of come. – …brought me in
a bunch of deer meat. – Whoa.
– And I was like, okay, like it’s not like I carry
a fridge or a cooler. – He wanted to show you
his value as a man. – I mean, I get it,
but like you’re on the road. – Jacob understands. He’s showing you his value
as a man. – It’s all a gift.
– But he brought it in. I was just like, well,
I can’t even put it in my dressing room,
it’s just gonna rot… – “Miss Lisa Ann, I can prov–
I can provide for you and I’m willing
to kill for you.” – That was a bit odd.
– Be eating venison for years. – That was a bit odd.
I was like, “Hey.” – “I want you to be my queen.” – I mean, Good & Plentys
are always a safe bet for me ’cause I love Good & Plentys. – My weirdest is the person
that gave me– the couple both wearing
Rambo jackets with their hair in their face, and they gave me a picture
of a rabbit and said, “We named this rabbit
after your daughter.” Now, they didn’t say
my daughter’s name. I think it was before
the show was going or before I talked
about Isabella on here at all. And it was very bizarre
and I went, “Thank you.” – No, they did say
your daughter’s name. They said they named the rabbit
after the dog– your dog. – They just said they named it
after my dog, but they didn’t say the rabbit’s
name is Isabella or anything. – Oh…
– I noticed that was weird. But then I was like,
“Thank you.” And then I did bring it home ’cause I didn’t want them to see
it in the trash somewhere if they were following me.
– Of course. Of course. – But I’ve had that happen–
I’ve had a guy win– a guy win me something
out of a crane mission in a bar and come over to me
and be like, “Hey, I just wanted
to give you something, so I’m giving you this.” And then you’re like,
well, thanks, asshole. Now I gotta carry this? Until you’re gonna because
you’ll have some weird emotional break if I throw it
out in front of you. – You wanna notice
that Marvin the Martian in the trash can that I…
– I mean, literally. – I probably get a hundred
or so graduation photos in the mail of young men
that are like 5X7s, where like, “I just wanna
send you my graduation photo.” I’m like, what the fuck?
Like, you know. – Oh, you definitely have
to get asked for– since, I mean,
Houston changed the game with– – That was so cool
when she did that. – But do you get asked that
a lot? “Will you got
to the prom with me?” – All the time.
And now it’s as idiotic as like how many retweets. Like I’m not a dog
for a treat, yo. You know what I mean?
You gotta entice me. – Yeah, hey, would you…?
– Military ball is something I want to do and I’m kind of–
I, um… There were some– I got a flag
sent to me this year. There was a special mission done and they dedicated the flag
to me on Valentine’s Day and sent it to me folded
with this beautiful certificate. It was just amazing. So right away I reached back
to them and said, “I really have always wanted
to go to a military ball.” I’m sure one of you is single, so we’re gonna make that
happen this year. – Oh, man, that guy definitely
jerked off to that e-mail. He got that e-mail
and he was like… – I actually wrote them
a letter by hand. – Really?
– Because they wrote me by hand. And I didn’t have an e-mail
for them, so I thought, I’ll just
write them by hand in return. And then now we’ve been
e-mailing back and forth. – He’s just in the shit
in Afghanistan and he gets that mail
and he’s like… (inhaling) – At least I believe
you deserve all the success in the world and all your dreams
to come true. It’s a bizarre thing
to present a porn star with, a fuckin’ American flag thing
and be like, “Here, we give this to you
and widows.” – What’s crazy is
I thought my dad died. I got it in the mail
and I saw the like triangle flag and I’m like, ah, shit…
– Your dad’s military? – Yeah, I’m like, I guess
my dad kicked the bucket, right? – So funny.
– Yeah. – What a weird, being like,
oh, Dad’s dead… – Dad’s dead ’cause
I’m always wondering when that’s gonna happen. – And they’re like,
“Your BBC anal. Aided in operation.” – He goes, “I’m telling you
right now, you’re– “your fuckin’ boot camp video “made me fuckin’ take out
that Taliban leader faster than I thought
I was going to.” – I think Christine
exclusively blasted this point to you just getting
five black guys working you over
at the same time. – Why are you trying to make
Lisa Ann think I jerk off to her? – Oh, do you love
my blackout series? – But I do love your porn?
– Do you love– You like my blackout series
then, my latest. – I do. I’m a fan.
– Thank you so much. I worked really hard on that.
I love that series, too. – You do work
really hard on that. That’s a lot to put
your body through. – It is. It is. – It’s like four
of your own arms entering your body
at the same time. – It is, but I’m also
directing at the same time… – That’s fucking hilar–
“Cut, cut, cut! – I just turn my head
and say “cut”… – Cut!”
– You have to do the– You have to do the time-out
like Zack Morris. – Give little signals,
you know what I mean? – Boop, boop. Do you do the Carol Burnett
ear pull? – If I crack your left nip,
I need you to pull… I need you to pull
your dick out of my esophagus. Have you– Are you familiar
with the genre of fart pornography? – No, I am not.
– Okay, well, so here’s what… – That was a good “Jeopardy!”
answer. I was like, “No, I am not.”
– What is “No.” Um… – What is “No, have not.” – We have been diving into it. At first, we watched, um… I think we watched
regular fart, just women farting
in men’s faces. – Now, it’s women farting
in women’s faces is the most popular version.
– Is this real? – Yeah.
– Yeah. – And then we jumped
into yesterday for Pride Month. We watched gay men
farting in each other’s faces. – I’m very curious how
they would be sure that they have enough gas
to fart… – I was hoping you’d be curious. We have fart porn happening
right here. – We got a couple mixes.
There’s a– there’s a– there’s a super jam. You see a lot of butthole
movement in these shots. What I– what I mean is
you see it coming out, so you know that fart’s…
– So do you think they pump water– air up there like they do for the squirt
scenes when they’re fake? – I think that’s possible, but I
just try to suspend disbelief and just leave it as what it is. – Lisa, I am a professional
wrestling fan. So I think that
it is predetermined, but I don’t think it is fake. – Yeah. That’s fair enough.
I will say… – It’s a predetermined fight.
– I will say the– the humor lies in the puckering
of the buttholes. – Yeah, it’s a real
pucker butt– – Cory, while I know
you can’t zoom in on this, really give it a listen. (extended farting noises) – (chuckling) I mean, it’s–
– Ooh, wow, a lot of sounds. – Oh, I mean, there’s our fave. – Oh, wait go back to the guy
playing it like a trumpet. – No, that wasn’t
the trumpet guy. – Where’s trumpet guy?
– That… Look at that fuckin’
Snuffleupagus butt. – (laughter)
– Honk. (farting sounds continue) – Pwaah. Pwaah. While he’s jerking off
is hilarious. (farting sounds continue,
laughter) – I guess what I’m saying, Lisa,
ever have to fart on set? – There goes the ad
for the blinds, just so you know.
– No, it’s over now. – Um, no, this is something
really new to me, and it’s exciting, ’cause
every day’s a school day, and this is the one thing
that I’ve learned today. (laughter) – I didn’t– No, there it is!
Go back just a second. This guy plays his butt
like a trumpet… right here. – So hairy.
– Yeah. Watch, he goes from a “B”
to a “B” flat. – He’s playing “When the Saints
Come Marching In.” – Do you think they’re
filming themselves with like a camera on a stand,
or did you get a friend over for something like this?
– No, most of these shots look amateur and just–
Oh, here comes my favorite one. His hair moves.
Ready? Right here. – Poof.
– Well done! – And then there’s an angry one where, like, he yells
with his asshole. (overlapping flatulence) Is this it?
Yeah, this is when he… (man grunting) Yeah, this right here.
He’s very angry at ’em. He’s telling them.
– This is almost disturbing. – He’s telling ’em you can’t
have any pudding unless you eat your meat.
– You can’t have your pudding unless you eat your meat!
– You! Yes, you! – I think a lot of these people
might wanna go to the doctor ’cause it looks like I’ve seen
quite a bit of staph infection and ringworm on their asses,
just saying. – Ohh!
– I mean, shav– What is that? What is wrong with that
one person’s butt? – Yeah.
– Well, I don’t know. At least everyone tunes
their instrument differently, you know.
– But don’t you wanna shave it, or like clean it up,
or wash it, or Stri– I Stridex my ass.
– You Stridex? – Aww.
– Yeah, that stuff you used to use on your face?
– Yeah. – Yeah, every day
after the shower. – Really? Just fucking–
– Yeah, but I’m on 4K– I know, that’s funny, right?
– Ass cheeks? – Yeah, my ass cheeks,
’cause I want them to be nice and perfect
when I take a picture. – No pimples.
– Right. – That’s a good move.
– Yeah, it’s a great move. It feels so fresh
on your butt, too. – Let me just ask you this.
– It feels great. – Are you gonna start
Stridexing your butt? – Dan, how would you feel
if I told you I already do all kinds of pad
stuff on my balls and butt, face– yeah.
– Are you keeping– I didn’t know you kept
your B.H. camera-ready. – You never know, dude. No, I don’t keep it
camera-ready, but yeah, absolutely.
I put– – You Stridex?
– Absolutely, yeah. No, no Stridex.
– Neutrogena wipes. – Neutrogena wipes. – Oh, you mean the makeup wipes
or like the baby wipes? – Their Rapid Clear. – No, they’re just their
version of like– – Well, you do use something,
a little salicylic acid… – That’s exactly what it is.
– My question to you is, did you think Jay would be
that up to date with your… – He does have a woman,
and I’m sure the she brings products around, and he’s not
afraid to use them, so… – Jay, would you–
– I’m not afraid to use them– What? Go ahead. – You actually
found that for me. And it was, it was like I was–
(laughter) – I did not see this coming.
– How you feel now, Miss Ann? – I wanna buy blinds
and I wanna ship stuff. That’s how I feel.
– Miss Ann, how would– – Ms. Ann! – But does it feel good
on your butt? It’s so refreshing.
– And also it’s like, “Oh, wow, so that’s how you take
care of those acne problems. You fucking treat them.”
– Yes. Yes, ’cause you sit all day. – Let me tell you all
the products. – Do I need to start doing this? – Let me tell you all
the products I pull out. – Should I bust off Neutrogena
Rapid Clear for my B.H.? – Why not? It’s fun.
– No, no, no, no! Not your butthole.
– What’s my butthole? – Your butt cheeks.
– Oh. – Your butt cheeks,
your butt cheeks. – Oh, I was gonna so straight
up, put that on my butthole. – Don’t put that
on your butthole. – It’ll burn like
a motherfucker, dude. – I almost just straight up
just put that on my butthole. – Don’t put it on your butthole.
– Oh, my God! – I probably would’ve
gone to CVS– – I’ll tell you all the products
to get involved with. – I would’ve had a real problem
with all you guys– – I’m listening.
– I’m sorry. I would’ve had a real problem
with all of you guys around 2:30
in the afternoon tomorrow when I take shower….
– Yeah. – …and I put that on my B.H.
after the gym… – Yeah. Don’t.
– I would’ve been livid. – You would’ve been
hurting, dude, for sure. – You would’ve lived,
a little tingly. You know what I’m saying?
You wouldn’t have died. – I wouldn’t have died–
– That’s coming from a woman who’s had several 12-inch
penises up her butt. Dan, you are not that person.
– Didn’t die, didn’t die! – I would go like this…
(puffing and huffing) That’d be like, “Ouch, ouch!”
– Yeah, yeah! – So let’s talk about
your product usage. – All right, all kind–
every day– – Take up– Walk us through. – Every day
I’m involved in, uh… Trying to think
of the first thing I do when I get out of the–
– Tinactin. – Tinactin.
Tinactin on feet. And tea tree oil between toes
and anywhere on my body where there’s like a bit
or something, you know. – Tea tree oil’s the shit.
Yep, it works on everything. Pimples, bug bites, yeah.
– Absolutely. So tea tree oil.
Then I put my socks on. Then, depending on the day, if I
had a vicious ass wiping day, because I really go at it.
I like to be clean. I might even put a little
Aquaphor on my bung. – Ohh, that stuff feels
nice and cooling, right? – Yes, it does. – You really do clean your
asshole like a meth head. – Yes, I really do.
Well, there’s spider in there. – But he eats
like a meth head, too, so he’s tearing up his asshole
on the way out. – Yeah, he’s just fucking– – Um, so there’s–
Fuck, that was– that hurt. – Sorry, I didn’t
mean like that. – No, I know what your meat.
I, uh… (mumbling) (laughter)
I, uh… – You know that stings more than
the Aquaphor on my butt. – She goes, “And you eat like
a goddamn animal.” So I go like this, “Uh-huh.
That’s, uh… ” – Whole turkey,
Rueben on wheat for lunch. – I tried to volume out of that,
where I go, “Well, then,
that’s the thing–” – “Jay, would you say the other
things from before?” – “Jay, what are your products?”
Shit, shit, shit! Goddamn spiraling.
– Um… – I’m like hitting one of
the reads on the fucking– Like a pilot…
– “Dump, dump!” – “Dump, dump,
dump fuel dump fuel!” – I, uh– See, the Aquaphor.
– Okay. – On the ass crack
a little bit. – So now you’re buck naked
with socks on… – Mm-hmm. – And you’re
Aquaphoring your butt. – I take–
– That’s why I leave– He says, “Leave the room.”
– Christine. Yes, I do make Christine,
I ask her to give me room– – And you do this in your
bedroom, not in the shower? – Bedroom.
– Okay. I dress in the shower.
Am I weird? – By the way, I’ve already
jumped ahead of a new thing that I’ve added. While I’m still
a little damp from the shower,
lotion now. Arms and legs.
And a little bit on butt cheeks. – That’s why my lotion
was moved. I just realized it.
– Yeah. And, uh– I’ll get
my own fucking lotion. – You don’t have to. I was just wondering
why it was moved. – I love that you knew exactly
where it was, that it was moved. Like, a burglar came in, just
like– Was gonna rob you guys, just moved the lotion instead.
– Just moved the lotions around. – Yeah, I like that we might’ve
started a problem, a domestic. They’re like, “Where the fuck
is my lotion?” – So, arms, a little bit
of chest, sides, everything, and legs.
– Okay. – Feel lotioned.
Tea tree oil, Tinactin, socks, Aquaphor,
pads for in-grown hair. – European Wax Center.
– European Wax Center pads. And then I rub my base of
my dick and balls with that, so I don’t– ‘Cause I had
an in-grown hair below my balls not long ago.
Nightmare. – I had one on my taint
maybe three weeks ago. – Nightmare.
– Terrible. – Like real can’t
sit down problem. – Mm-hmm.
– Yeah, it can get infected because it keeps growing.
– I had a fucking– It was bad. – Did you have to go
in the doctor to get it? – What pads do you use?
– No, I ended up not– Tea tree oil actually was
the thing that helped the most. – Yeah, that’s great.
– Yeah, yours ended up, like– It, like, took care of itself.
– That’s great. – Yeah, she had to look
at it one day. I felt– Which I hate–
But she was like, “Yeah,
no, it’s opened. It’s gone.”
I was like, wow. And it took like a week after
that to be gone– Like, you know, go away.
It was awful. But to make sure
that doesn’t happen, now– I used to kind of do that
when I’d feel something coming on, now just
preemptively every day I’ll do that.
– Tea tree oil. – No, he’s using the stuff from
the European Wax Center. – European Wax Center.
It’s a pad. They also have like a gel,
but I do a pad– – It’s almost like that stuff,
that Tend Skin that you can use on your face.
– I use– I have Tend Skin. – It’s similar ingredients,
but it’s now put on a pad to make it a lot easier
for that area. – I do it old cowboy,
Tend Skin, bloop, and then I fucking–
puh, puh, puh– around. – Same kind of thing, yeah.
– I use Tend Skin. So I was gonna look to this
as an option to Tend Skin. – Then I take one of
the Neutrogena pads, and I, uh… I’m sorry,
before I do that, then Gold Bond spray. – I mean, you really
put yourself together. – I put that a little bit kind
of on the nooks and crannies. A little Gold Bond.
Just from a distance. Just give it a shot, the sides. – This is like the beginning
of “American Hustle.” You can see ’em…
– Kind of my armpits down my side a little bit.
– Can I say about– – No, I’m not done my process. (laughter) I then…
– Yeah? – Uh, if you’re going
through all the sprays, then I Gold Bond spray. Then deodorant spray. Uh… let that kind of dry
for a couple seconds, and then put– that’s when
I take the Neutrogena pad, face. – Okay.
– A little bit on the middle of the chest. – Yeah?
– And, uh… throw that out. – Okay.
– And then I believe it might be– and then I put on tank top,
jeans, and then I– Oh, and then… a hoodie,
hair stuff. Gotta wash hands after that
’cause the hair stuff’s sticky. And then, uh, and then cologne. – That’s the Big Jay process.
That’s how you make a Big Jay. – I take a Lexapro,
uh, allergy pill, a Zantac, which is also
like an allergy pill, even though it’s a stomach pill.
And, yeah, that’s it. – Now, when you travel, do you
bring all these in ingredients in, like, smaller travel sizes?
– Great question. – Full size. – How the f–
oh, you check your bag. – So you check your bag
no matter what? – Always.
– That’s why you check your bags for all your cocktails and–
– By the way, it is the sole reason…
– Your potions and fuckin’… – No, but it makes a difference,
’cause you travel a lot, and you’re sitting on a plane,
and that’s when you’re gonna get an ingrown hair–
you’re gonna get hot. Your skin’s gonna get irritated.
Your feet would bother you. – Yep.
– That is– You’re doing the right thing,
but you can buy ’em in smaller sizes–
– And I take it out– When I had the skin thing
that was bothering me, and I was just
trying everything, the extra amount of creams
I’d bring on the road, the– They were like, “You’re gonna
make your skin like paper thin.” I’m like, “Ah.”
But I had all that stuff out. I laid it out at the hotel
rooms. It’s pretty crazy. It’s a little obsessive.
– It’s not. You’re using
a lot of natural stuff. Tea tree is great
for so many things. – But I didn’t know you were
like a little prince. – Yeah, I get– Christine
does… one further when she goes on the road. – She gets powdered.
– No, she brings her toiletries. She also adds on a bar of soap
and shampoo/conditioner, which I will just hotel shampoo
conditioner and soap. I have no problem with that.
– I’ll one-up you. I bring two satin pillowcases.
– Yeah… – And they’re black,
so I don’t forget them. ‘Cause if they’re white,
you’ll forget ’em on the bed and walk out of the room.
– Yeah. – So black, because
there’s so many chemicals on the sheets
that they sterilize, that it’s really hard
for your skin. – Yeah.
– So, and it just feels– It’s good for your hair,
it’s good for your face. But that’s another thing
makes you feel more at home. – Do you send the pil–
Do you send the pillowcases back with your dirty laundry? – I just got two freshies today.
I’m very excited about this. Thanks for asking.
I’m gonna unpack them tonight. – What’s a satin pillowcase
like? – Feels great, and they zip on
the pillow, so they don’t slide, the pillow doesn’t slip
out of the thing, it’s amazing. – Can’t find a duvet cover
that does that. I could talk housewares
with you all day, Lisa. But me and Dan gotta go help–
– Why do duvet covers button? – We have to go–
– So why do they button? It’s so annoying that you have
those buttons on– – What a sexy pillowcase.
– I hate it. And they rip off.
And then you lose a button. – Ladies, ladies!
– No! No, Dan. – Ladies, we can talk bedding
another time. We need to go
save some sick kids for the Ronald McDonald House. – Is this what you’re
doing tonight? – (both) Yeah.
– Oh, this is for a good cause. Fantastic!
– No, this is the cause. We’re going there and we’re
gonna help children. We’re gonna medically
help them tonight. – Mm-hmm. I’m gonna
diagnose them. I’m gonna feel the–
I’m gonna feel their brains. – Well, I’m just feeling
from their hair right here. Cancer, right?
– Yeah, there you go. I’ll see you later.
– (laughs) I’ll see you around. – No, we’re going to do
a comedy show to help out– – (both) Raise money for
the Ronald McDonald house. – None of the kids
are gonna be there. Unless they’re awesome. (fire crackling) – I’m zoning out. This is
thriving tourism season. A lot of people getting pumped
in and out of this tunnel. – Who you zoning on?
– The tunnel’s a big problem. – Yeah. You see, we have
a choke point right here. – This is where we try
to bottleneck ’em. – And then we have really to
shit on people as they go by. – Or as they come in, we’re just
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. ♪♪ (fire crackling) – Now, Dan, you normally
hate Asian chicks, but you think that’s
a pretty one? – I love Asian women.
– No, no, no, I’m not talking about for their work ethic
and their tied-up feet. I mean free-roaming, living,
breathing, Asian woman. – Yeah, this is dead.
This whole thing is dead. – Get rid of it?
– What’s up? – Dan Soder. (indistinct chatter) – She got nervous,
you were so handsome. – Stop! She had a boyfriend.
– Yeah. She was nervous. He was gonna beat
the shit out of you for fuckin’ eyeing her up, dog. (laughing) – Oh, you wanna go?
You wanna drop and go? – You want me to go do my
impression of him for you? – Yeah.
– “I’m Dan, I apologize for being inappropriate
with your girlfriend.” – Hold on. You know what?
I don’t like the act-outs, but it is very accurate. – Lower?
– No, you nailed it, I said– – Do the hands chop lower? – No, I don’t chop my hands! That’s a slap.
I’m going to Dunkin Donuts. – Ah, it was pretty–
pretty flat-palmed. I try to work in Dunkin Donuts
into smoke breaks, and then you’re gonna find out
I have a side sponsor. (man chuckling) – Like to point out
you do a lot of hand stuff. A lot of flat-handed stuff
when you talk. I didn’t even notice…
until you did it. – You’re gonna make me
double Bob Dole. – (laughing) – (monotone)
Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole… Bob Dole. – Dan Soder, for the people
of the people, by the people. – I can’t have open hands
’cause Jay has mocked me. (laughter) So now I have to have brand-new
baby born hands. – It’s Dan Soder
from “Billions.” He’s working with
a hand affliction. He was born that way. – Only when I go into character
do my hands open up. – Should we act like
we’re doing a scene, like they just bumped in us
doing a scene from “Billions”? I don’t have your billions,
Wall Street guy. – You better give it to me,
or you’re in business trouble. (laughter) – I will start a new business.
– And… scene! That was pretty good.
– I will start a new business. – I felt like I was
right there back on set. – I will employ non-binaries. Everyone is welcome
at my business. – That’s pretty cool. (laughter) Hey, that’s pretty–
– Let’s have a merger! – Merge time.
– And then fuckin’ “Predator”– “Predator” handshake.
– Ah, you son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. – Oh, you sold all your shorts.
– Lorne Michaels. – Do it now. (as Schwarzenegger)
You sold all your shorts. You son of a bitch. What’s wrong? Just… Does NASDAQ got you pushing
too many pencils? (laughter) – I watched the new “Predator.” – Dude have you tried the thing
that was saw… – Shitstorm.
– Were you with us when we saw that face technology thing
they do now? – They can put faces on people? – But if you’re doing an Arnold
Schwarzenegger impression… – Oh, no. Yeah, I saw them
do it on Bill Hader. – Yeah.
– And then Chris D’Elia had a couple really funny ones
that they put on of his face on, like,
certain movie things. And it’s creepy as shit. – It’s weird as fuck. Yeah, they did it on–
they showed me on “Bennington.” And they did like
“A Knight’s Tale,” but it’s like the Joker
on “A Knight’s Tale.” ‘Cause they just put his face
over his face. – Yeah.
– It’s so weird, but you gotta do with your imp– we gotta
put a Dangerfield on you, dude. – I did that with
a Snapchat filter. Kyle Dunnigan is the best
at doing that. – MTV2.
– No, stop it. – Well I’m–
– Way to know your demo. All right, I’m gonna go get
Dunkin Donuts, so I’m gonna
mic up someone else. I’m passing the mic.
– Ooh. Christine?
She hates being mic’d up. – I know.
– We only have 6 minutes anyway? While Dan’s getting coffee.
– Coffee. – I guess this smoke break
ain’t worth a shit. – I’m gonna meet you guys
over there. – Are you?
– I don’t… – “Hi, I’m Dan.
I’d like a latte. With not all that much…
I’d like a latte.” – Hey.
– “I’d like a latte. I’d like a latte.”
– I don’t drink lattes. – “I’d like a latte.”
– Jan, can you hear me? – “I want a latte.
I want a latte. “I’m learning.
I’m learning. “I’m getting human emotions.
Anger! We are angry
at Becky Rodriguez.” – Not anymore.
I’m outta here. – Showtime’s “Billions.” (man)
Show who? (laughter) – Dan Soder.
Netflix, “The Standups”! Comin’ soon, big finale
this weekend! (man laughing) Dan, and cut!
You can come back now. Dan, cut!
We got the walk. We got the walk! – (giggling) (laughter) – You’re such a dick. (laughter continues) – He hears me.
Son of a bitch. – Hey, this is Dan Soder
and Big Jay Oakerson from “The Bonfire” on Comedy
Central Radio, Sirius XM 95. Come back next Thursday for
a new episode of “The Bonfire.” I said “The Bonfire” a lot.
– You said my name. – I did, dude.
‘Cause I love you.

63 comments on “Sounding Off on Fart Porn & The Gifts Guys Send to Lisa Ann

  1. You guys gotta sign me and get some funny shit going. I am funnier than anything you guys are doing right now. 💩

  2. Guys I fucked up. I developed a fart porn addiction to spite my at the time girlfriend. She left me, and now I still jerk the gerkin to ass gas. It's a mating call now.. it's like the asshole going "fuck me fuck me".

  3. Wtf lmfao I ain't never heard of that.. what happened to the good old 5 minute vid of a bitch playing with herself or lesbian porn or a dude hitting a bitch from the back? 😯🤣🤔

  4. Big Jay and Dan analyze fart porn: 0:52

    Lisa Ann and Big Jay compare bizarre gifts from fans: 13:15

    The guys introduce Lisa Ann to fart porn: 20:15

    Everyone trades skincare tips: 23:06

    Big Jay busts out his impression of Dan on their smoke break: 32:51

  5. Such a fun episode with Lisa!! I want to see "Housewares with Jay and Lisa Ann." If anyone can make that happen, I'd greatly appreciate it.

  6. To be fair I don't fart in front of people either. Life rule number 1: never trust a fart. I can live with farting in front of someone but if I shit myself…

  7. You two guys are idiots , and need to get a life .The two of u are having a mindless / stupid conversation , SMH..

  8. Hey CC if Clips of a radio show get more views than your stupid (((Tv shows))) then maybe you should put more money into the radio show.

  9. “Every day is a school day and this is the one thing I’ve learned today.”

    Lmao…classic. Welcome to fart porn, Lisa Ann.

  10. Dan, if you're in a depression spiral right now, this one's for you…

    Hmu for censored nudes of fake celebrities and/or homemade Q-Tips all proceeds go to making more Q-Tips and censored nude fake celebrity jpeg's

  11. Give these guys a show instead of running the same 25 year old South Park episodes all night!!! Crackle Crackle

  12. 11:22 Dan (gleefully): "you STUFFED 'em full of air!" *little smile* I am ridiculously attracted to dan soder and I can't handle this.

  13. I think Lisa might have Jaundice for real, I have zero medical training but that wonderful woman's face looks like she might have dutch elm disease. God Bless

  14. wonderfully sexy professional video, i am also a feeling of being relatively very horny

  15. “Everyone tunes Their instrument differently” got no reaction from anyone in the room but it made me laugh hard.

  16. Comedy Central is going the right way with podcast styff but they really need to dedicate resources into the internet. The comics are doing it without you with podcast shows

  17. When I had my colonoscopy, they put a lot of air up there to make sure that nothing was blocked. The farts were epic and no smell!
    If I wasn't recovering in the hospital I would have loved to put Mrs. Thinker in the "Dutch Oven"
    By the time they let me go, it was all over with.

    I think they can do the same in fart porn.

  18. I'm pretty sure most of his skin issues would be helped more by quitting smoking than all that bullshit which must cost a fortune (as do cigs lol).

  19. When I was around 16 the girl I was dating was blowing me and I farted. Didn’t stink but was awkward. She looked up, I apologized, then she finished.

  20. Fun Fact: when you get a colonoscopy done, they fill you up with a lot of air to expand your colon to take those beautiful Ansel Adams rolling hills landscape shots—normally the colon is flat. The pressure from all the air is painful and they’ll encourage you to release the air (they won’t say fart). There’s no smell unless they didn’t follow prep.

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