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The 4-Year-Old Obsessed with Her Weight | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network

The 4-Year-Old Obsessed with Her Weight | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network


OPRAH WINFREY: Taylor is
afraid she will become fat. She’s only four. ANGELA: How about
some ice cream? Why not? Taylor and I were driving,
and there was a lady walking by, and she was overweight. And Taylor pointed
to her to point out to me that she was fat. And then she
proceeded to tell me I’m going to pick
the skinny people. You pick the fat people because
you’re a little bit fat, Mom. If you get fat, will you be sad? ANGELA: Do you think that
fair people are pretty? OPRAH WINFREY: Most
days, Taylor leaves the house without breakfast. At lunch, she’ll
turn down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,
choosing a cup of peaches instead. ANGELA: Why are you eating
fruit and vegetables? OPRAH WINFREY: And where
does a four-year-old learn to fear being fat? I honestly believe that she’s
learned it from just being around other little girls. But Angela admits she’s
had her own weight battles. She suffered from
anorexia for years. Today she keeps the
weight off by limiting her food intake, no servings
bigger than one cup. So this is lunch and dinner. OPRAH WINFREY: And she
works out almost every day, sometimes twice a
day a workout regimen that Taylor mimics at home. ANGELA: Why do you exercise? So what do you do? Angela is a four-year-old
Taylor’s mother. And when did you first
notice that Taylor was really concerned, becoming
obsessive about weight? She went to pre-K. And one
of the kids called her fat. She came home and she
said, mommy, am I fat? You know, the child
called me fat? Am I fat? And since then, she
makes little comments. Now, I hear that your husband
thinks that her behavior is– is your fault. Well, he jokes around. He’ll say, well, you know,
as far as getting dressed, and she wants to be
dressed a certain way, then he thinks it’s my fault. OPRAH WINFREY: Uh-huh. But as far as the– you
know, her weight issues, he’s aware that it comes from
being about other children and being in school because we
never had a problem with Taylor worrying about her weight
or making statements until she started going to school. OPRAH WINFREY: Mm-hm. She would hear two other
little girls talk about weight. You’d be surprised. Are we talking about
four- and five-year-olds? Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
– OK. Who are worried
about their weight. Yeah. Well, this is what I was
talking about a couple of weeks ago when we did the show on
the marginalization of women. I don’t know if anybody
is paying attention. But I just, just this
morning driving into work, I decided to look at all–
to pay conscious attention to all the ads. And I don’t care what the
ad is for, the bodies– it’s this perfect,
idealized, sculpted figure that nobody looks real. Who knows people
who look like that? And there may be a few
people who look like that. But those are the images that
we feed ourselves constantly. And I counted just driving
into work this morning, 46 different images
from everything from– for everything. So this is what we’re
doing to ourselves. Yes? Yes, for sure. I’m a little– I want some help from you too. Because when you’re talking
about that she learned this when she went to pre-K.
In the tape piece, it talked about that you
had struggled with anorexia and about measuring
your own food out. Yes. So talk to me. I’ve always been
told that when you eat, you’re not supposed to
eat more than your– the palm of your hand. So I’ve just– that’s just
become a rule of thumb with me. So I just make sure that I
feed myself the palm of hand. Now, I do over– you know, go over there
because I do enjoy eating. But I usually measure it out. And you were also
anorexic at some point. ANGELA: Absolutely. So having said that, the
part that was missing for me is that you were talking
about school impacting her but not you. And so I just want you– again, this is not about blame. But the only way we can
help our children or anybody we love and care for is to be
able to see how I contribute. I can find 1,000 ways that
everybody else contributes. But until I can take
ownership as mother, as aunt, as grandmother for a
piece of the wounding, then I’m helpless. And I don’t want you
two to be helpless because your daughters need you,
and they need you desperately. OK. And so you were saying that
even though Angela may no longer be anorexic, that she
is eating like one or has patterns like one. And– and an awareness. And that’s grooming
her daughter. Absolutely, that your
daughter is picking up messages from you, as is yours. And they’re messages that
the two of you, I think, maybe before today didn’t
really know they’re getting. Victoria’s Secret magazine– I’m thinking, wait a minute. We’re talking about
a three-year-old. And I love Oprah that
you were this morning driving and counting the ads. It really connects with
what you’re able to say. This is crazy. This isn’t real. This is a fantasy. But your daughter is looking at
this and picking I like that. I don’t like this. We’re talking about lingerie. We’re talking about bras. We’re talking about underwear. And a three-year-old
is being exposed. So I’m just wondering,
can the two of you start to ask, wow, like, on
our watch, what boundaries have we missed that
need to be in place to help protect our children? Does that make sense? It does make sense. What is so scary to me is
that, what you said is about, you know, coming through
the womb and being wounded. So it’s like you pass your
psychic wounds onto your child. The fact that you were
once an anorexic– I never met a black
person who was anorexic. That was another thing. [LAUGHTER] But, you know, you’re
absolutely right. Because– I swear, I was gonna
try to keep it to myself. But I swear, I never. [LAUGHTER] You’re the first one I ever met. [APPLAUSE] [INAUDIBLE] OPRAH WINFREY: You know– And I was hoping that– I didn’t want to come out
and say, well, not a lot of black women are
anorexic because it’s glorified to have a little
booty and some hips, you know? I know. You are the first one in 21
years of doing television, you know. And you know what? I didn’t get it from having
a self-esteem problem. I ran track for a lot of years. I need to–
I got to stop. I got to scream. I got to say something. And I know we have
commercials and stuff. But wait. You can’t say that. And I know you mean it. But I don’t want you
to leave here and say that you became
anorexic, but you didn’t have self-esteem problems. That’s an input–
that’s an impossibility. OPRAH WINFREY: It’s impossible. It’s impossible. Wait, let me just say. It’s impossible that
I starve my body and that I feel
good about myself. Because part of
feeling good about myself is that I nurture my
body, my mind, and my spirit. So as an athlete, where
I think you were going is that athlete– you know,
athletes are encouraged to starve themselves. Models are encouraged
to starve themselves. But people who go
along with it– if there’s a hole,
something has to go in it. There was a hole in you,
and the anorexia showed up. OK. But that OK is kind
of like, OK, Dr. Robin. I– No, I agree with you. No, no, no, I know. But I I want a little– I guess I want something more. [INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE]. No. And what I want is– again,
it may not happen today. But I want you to start
thinking about what was hurting in me a long time ago, a
long, long time– both of you– that’s showing up in
our little babies. But I think this
is fascinating. And the real injury, you
tried to heal your daughter when the hurt was in you. WOMAN: Hello.
OPRAH WINFREY: Hello. [LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] choir over there. So you’ve got to be careful
because the injury, the hurt was in you. And you thought, OK, I’ll
just forget about me, and I’ll redo it. I’ll do better in her. Yes. But I am oversensitive, I
think, as far as I know that I had a problem with anorexia. OK, I have to just
say this to you, too, because you guys have
three- and four-year-olds, which I love three and four. That’s the perfect age for me. But this is the thing that
most parents, I think, miss is that your children
are more sensitive, more powerful, more spiritually
attuned, and psychically attuned than ever– than ever. I mean, as they get older,
they will lose some of that. You lose it because the
world makes you lose it. But when you’re that young,
you pick up on every thing. All the energy around
them, they’re taking in. And so she’s taken
in that energy. That’s what I find.
It’s amazing. It really is. There is a quote by
writer Naomi Wolf that I believe gets to
the heart of all of it. She says, “a mother who radiates
self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinate her daughter
against low self-esteem.” Don’t you love that quote? DR. ROBIN: Yes. [APPLAUSE]

100 comments on “The 4-Year-Old Obsessed with Her Weight | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network

  1. It's not a bad thing that she is conscious of what she eats. It's her attitude that's not good how she calls people fat. The human body is suppose to be thin amd we shouldn't be filling our body with sugar dead food. Less is more we dont need alot of food as humans.

  2. the mother made this girl like that, l am sure, the mother make funny about people fat, overweight because she was fat before, you need to educate your child that is not funny to laugh about overweight people, please respect the people were ever is ugly or fat, we lived in the world that we only accept beautiful people.

  3. I remember being five and being sad about being fat. I was an average healthy weight at the time, but I saw skinny girls and compared myself to them

  4. Her mother has the nerve to act oblivious to how her daughter became obsessed with weight and thinks it's from other little girls??? 🤨 …on average little girls at her age are not thinking or atleast "obsessing" over it! Her daughter obviously got those ideas from her mother whether the mother notices it or not!

  5. She's full of it and her husband is right. It's primarily her fault for starting this at home. The daughter laughs whenever her mom records her, because she's obviously used to joking about it with her. Mom had anorexia in her past….She works out in front of her daughter and talks about what she can and can't eat, to manage her weight. A commercial did not teach that behavior to her child.

  6. Her mother encourages this behavior other wise she wouldn’t be recording her acting this way it’s all mom
    Kids don’t know none of this until we teach them even if it’s at school or the play ground it’s because their parents has also taught them this behavior 🤔

  7. I think like this and worse now.
    I am 13.
    there’s no way a 4 year old could just be worried about weight because of children in pre k ..

  8. On halloween when I was 5 I was a ballerina so I was wearing a pink leotard with tights and I told my mom “I don’t want to go out in this because my stomach looks fat” and my mommas just like “oh my god did my young daughter just say that?!”. I’m now 18 and have struggled with eating disorders and abusive boyfriends all my life. I hope she had a better outcome.

  9. okay but most people with eating disorders try to keep it private and are discreet out of fear, so i’m surprised the mom is able to influence her daughter like this? maybe she has a personality disorder..?

  10. Her mom is just asking her questions, but she never once corrected her on just overall acceptance and decency, and that’s so sad.

  11. My sister will be 8 in 5 days and she always calls herself fat. Whenever I hear her say this stuff about herself I tell her no and tell her that’s not something to worry about and that she’s beautiful. Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault bc I suffer from depression and an ED but I try not to let it show around her or my other sister bc I would never want them to go through the same self esteem issues and things that I am. At the same time she’s always on YouTube and social media so maybe it’s not my fault. I just feel bad she has to grow up in today’s society

  12. so that little girl should have been taken away from her mother for letting her only eat peaches in a cup.. she should be making her eat .or should've been.. she is 18 now.. I hope she's alive

  13. If she didn't go home s d nshe gercest s d tell her how silly it was then she should have had CPS called.. you can let your child Steve herself abd think it's funny

  14. eating disorders are genetic… also her child being called fat probably stuck in her mind and her mothers eating habits dont help of course… nut eating disorders are genetic and so its not surprising that her daughter may be developing one.

  15. she copying her mother’s footsteps. Ain’t no way in a world a 4-5 year old talking about weight or even know what it is

  16. I am sorry but this little girl is so rude by saying someone is fat on the rode. Also anybody that is larger are sad people. I really dont like this little girl.

  17. Her mom doesnt say anything to her when she says that she just films it and agrees with her, and that's exactly why she's like that.😒😒😒

  18. This poor baby 😔 I was exactly the same at her age. And have had decades of eating disorders messing up my life 😑 it's never over 😭

  19. no servings bigger than one cup? WTF? that is not a sustainable way of eating. You can eat as much as you like if it's of the right foods, which are whole foods. Whole fruits, vegetables, grains, and legumes. You can eat as much as you like of WHOLE FOOD. No oil, no refined sugar, no added salt. The fat you eat is the fat you wear.

  20. My son is four and he’s busy drinking his chocolate milk after eating a plate full of scrabbled eggs with slices of tomatoes, cucumbers and avocados

  21. Little girl: I don’t want to be fat

    Me: eating entire pizza while watching

    But I honestly see how this could happen. My family made constant comments about my weight when I was growing up & still continues to. When I was a kid I would workout at random times throughout the night & was encouraged to diet. My family wanted me to be curvy but not too curvy so the message was super confusing.

  22. In kindergarten, these girls claimed that I called this girl fat. But being 6 at the time I did not know or cared about a person was fat. I wasn’t even conscious about my body at the age. So I didn’t understand why these girls cared that much about their body image

  23. i have a feeling her mother is doing this to her. it's just sad because when i was four all i wanted was to own every animal in the world

  24. Her mother is Obviously influencing this. Like there is no way four and five year olds are putting this in this little girls head.

  25. A 4 year old shouldn’t even know what fat was even when I was 4 I didn’t even know what was fat shoot I won’t to fat dang

  26. How can her mother be aware of her eating disorder, yet still so oblivious that she's the cause of the fixation on getting fat? #staged

  27. I the age of 4, I was worry about not missing my afternoon nap.
    This mother is putting those ridiculous ideas on her little girl. That should be considered child abuse.

  28. This girl has some attention seeking issues as and anorexic who has been inpatient no other girls ever spoke like that about food not even the little ones they were scared not happy or excited

  29. Someone teach that 4 year old girl that no matter what size or shape, everyone is okay like its kinda annoying

  30. I remember when I was a kid, I hated my looks and I was only seven. This girl is pretty, she shouldn’t be knowing what weight means.

  31. It’s good that her daughter is aware that being obese isn’t healthy but she need to teach her to be nice to obese people. Most of them are trying to lose weight but can’t because of comments like that.

  32. I feel like I’m ugly now….jk I wish I was that curious tho about my weight when I was younger..(I started putting weight on when I was a lot older tho 😂😂😂)

  33. Myself personally I was always a heavy child but I wasn’t really aware of it until I was about seven or eight so the fact that this four-year-old think she’s fat I think it’s because of the mom

  34. When I was four I just wanted the Barbie birthday cake where the dress was cake with a doll in the middle

  35. I get she wanted to be healthy but there’s a such thing called anorexia and not trying to eat can cause you to get that condition… Also she shouldn’t be calling people names.. Some people are born in specific ways…

  36. 4 year old me: why exorcise playing outside with my dogs is better and why would you say no to ice cream ice cream is awesome

  37. Jesus, I got anorexia when I was 11 and this kids getting it when she’s 4?!? This kids mom is doing something srsly wrong🤦🏼‍♀️

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