Jaraveyre

Antiques & The Arts

The Awful News About Jim Cummings Inspires a Lot of Impressions (feat. Mike Finoia)


– A talented man
lost his life today. – (Christine) Oh, no.
– Jim Cummings. – ♪ I hear you’re feelin’… ♪
– This has been me all day. – ♪ …down ♪
Dan, we should visit him– you should visit him
in prison and do voices with him through
the fuckin’ phone thing. – Oh, that’d be so funny.
I’d go, “Geth who’th got your gig now?”
(laughing) – “Thith ith dangerous.
Now you go, Jim.” He’s just, “I’m lonely in here,
man, and I’m really scared.” You go, “No, no, like,
do the voice.” – “No, they found out–
they found out I’m a rapist, so they’re just fuckin’ me,
man, they’re just fuckin’ me.” – “Jim, but do it as,
like, Darkwing Duck.” – I go, “I know, but guess who
got your Winnie the Pooh gig. “Oh, if you think
you got raped in there, go and talk
to your manager.” – Enjoy solitary.
– “And they bumped my pay. “By the way,
my cousin’s a CO, “and I think
you’re a fucking monster. “So have fun, he’s gonna
put you in gen pop. (blubbering)
Bye-bye.” (all imitating
Winnie the Pooh laugh) (as Winnie the Pooh)
– “Virgin butt, cell block C.” (as Winnie the Pooh)
– “And to quote “the great Jim Cummings…” (as Tigger)
“Leth get dangerouth.” This is the story
that I’ve had tweeted at me, where I went on Twitter
a couple days ago– that was the last time I was on,
I’m doing pretty good. I only go on Twitter
about twice a week now. But I went on Twitter, but–
– But every time, you have a full on melt–
– Full down meltdown. Full crying, punching. Someone DM’ed me,
this is the story I’ve been DM’ed the most
on Instagram… – Yep.
– …ever of any stories. – Everyone wa– everybody
wants you to come. – Yeah, they’re like, “Yeah?”
But the voice actor, the voice of Winnie the Pooh
was accused of rape and animal abuse.
– At the same time? – Same– not same thing.
Different– differe– rape o– raping women,
beating dogs. – Beating dogs?
– What is it, Christine? – (Christine) It’s spousal rape.
– Spousal rape. – It’s his ex-wife
is accusing him of rape and then also animal cruelty.
– That’s not illegal everywhere. (Christopher Robin voice)
“Oh, little bear, what is spousal rape?”
– (Christine) No, it is– (as Pooh)
– “Well, Christopher Robin, sometimes your wife falls
out of love with you.” (as Eeyore)
– “Oh, she don’t wanna make love to me anymore.” (as Eeyore)
– “Oh, and the fire’s gone.” – “Time to go back to–”
– “We’re not in– you two don’t
love each other.” (as Pooh)
“Well, that’s when you catch–” (as Tigger)
– “You just gotta bounce around around and find
a new woman.” (as Tigger)
– “Why was she wearin’ “those crazy clothes
if she doesn’t want you to have sex with her vagina?” (as Pooh)
– “Exactly, Tigger. “Sometimes,
you’re alone with her “and she doesn’t give you
what you want. So you have to take it,
Christopher.” (normal voice)
That’s that old– that’s like that Chappelle joke. Uh, when he does, you know,
he does his nephew watching Pepe Le Pew.
He goes, he’s like, “Sometimes you just gotta
take the pussy, Uncle Dave.” He’s like, “No!” Uh, yeah,
dude, this is crazy. Stephanie Cummings alleges–
Stephanie Cummings was married to–
the actor is Jim Cummings. His ex-wife has accused him of engaging in physical,
sexual, and emotional abuse including but not limited
to death threats, rape, and “various sexual
deviant behavior forced upon me
without my consent.” – “Put on the sad donkey head.”
– (Dan) Yeah. – “Put on the sad
donkey head!” (mock crying)
“I don’t want to, Jimmy.” – “I’m gonna pin the tail to ya!
You keep losing your damn tail!” – “Put on the sad donkey face.” – “I’m gonna call you,
‘Hey, Piglet.'” “I don’t like when you call me
Piglet when I’m eating.” – He makes her wear a buttplug
that has a little pigtail. – Yeah.
(snorting) – She’s gotta wear
a honeypot outfit. – She goes, “Please,
please take off the shirt. I wanna have sex with you, Jim,
without your shirt on.” – “Jim…”
– “Shut up!” – “…honey’s not a good lube,
it’s really grabbing the sides.” – “It feels like you’re
having sex with me like– like, it’s like sap.”
– “You’ll love the honey.” – “Oh, you know honey–”
– “Be my little beekeeper.” – “Honey.”
On another occasion– oh, this is great–
Stephanie alleges Jim– oh, well, that’s not great,
I was reading the bottom one. I read the bottom one
that says, “On another occasion,
she claims he said “he was allowed
to touch Mommy’s breasts since he paid for them.”
Dude, that’s so great that he’s like surly drunk guy,
you know? He’s like… (slurring)
“I’ll tell ya what it is, ’cause the slut
had ’em paid for!” But instead it’s just
Winnie the Pooh. – Yeah, it’s Pooh.
– Oh, and by the way, her– this– and also in great,
amazing, awesome news– – (chortles) Jeez.
– Uh, “He would slap, uh, “his wife’s butt in front
of their four-year-old daughter, “and then forcibly put his hand
on back of her neck and kissed her while holding her
in place against the wall.” So that a–
that falls into your– that falls into your category
of great news. – Shut up,
it’s not great news. – Silver lining
to this shitstorm. (as Pooh)
– “You’re not gonna move. If you say anything–”
– “The baby’s fuckin’ watching.” – Yeah, “Don’t do the voice.
Don’t do the voice to make it easier on the baby.”
And he’s like… (as Pooh)
“You need to understand, I’m going through
a lot right now.” – “Drink your bottle
and shut the fuck up.” – “Christopher Robin doesn’t need me anymore.”
– “All right, listen, that kid is growing up
and he’s getting…” – (Mike) “His imagination–”
– “…different interests. Of the flesh.”
Go down more– – You know what it is?
It’s not– it’s not this voice actor’s mustache
that makes me think he’s… – Yeah.
– Go back up to the picture, Christine.
– Okay, I just told her to go down.
I was like, “Go down, I wanna– – Christine, go left.
– It’s not his mustache… – (Dan) Yeah.
– …that’s the problem for me. It’s the soul patch underneath.
– Yeah. – I thought you were gonna say
the p-pocket square. – It’s the little bit
of lower lip hair. – The shading.
– That’s what’s doing it. – Yeah, the Zappa.
– Oh, man. It’s crazy ’cause
he’s just the voice of a sweet bear. – Where’s the animal abuse? – I never liked
“Winnie the Pooh.” – What?
– I was promised animal ab– – “She also alleges, uh,
that he abused their family puppy.”
– “Once shattering its hip with a broom.”
– (Jay) Wow. – (off-camera laughter)
– “And on another occasion–” – Jacob!
– “Placing it inside “a metal bucket outside of
the house on a day which it was over 100 degrees and then
left it there for a long time.” – Well, at some point,
isn’t it the dog’s dumb idea for sitting in the pot?
– Also, clearly this lady hasn’t heard of house training.
– She left i– she left it alone all day.
– When you pee, you put it in
a metal bucket– your puppy in a metal bucket
outside in 100-degree weather. – It’s called marinating.
– 100-degree weather? Bonus. – He goes, “Do you know
what bears love more than honey? (as Pooh) Cooked puppy.”
(laughter) “I wouldn’t mind eating
some cooked puppy right now.” – (as Pooh) “Medium rare?”
– I just like– I like y– can you do Winnie the Pooh
actually, uh, arguing for spousal rape
as it’s happening? (as Pooh)
“You bitch.” (as Pooh)
– “Come on, give me a little. What? Come on.”
– “I fucking take care o–” – “Come on, kiss me
like you used to. Why don’t you want to?”
– “I fucking take care of you and these kids.”
– “Come on. Oh, God damn it, we were in love once.
(sputters) I mea–” (normal voice)
– You’re making him so regal. I wanna hear him just being
like a piece of shit. (as Pooh)
“You cook like shit and you’re fat, you’re fatter
than when we met.” (as Pooh)
– “You’re– you’re nothing more than a dumpster slut.”
– (laughter) – “I take what’s mine ’cause
I keep the lights on.” – (laughter)
– “Look a– look. Look at me.
Don’t look at me.” – “As long as that pussy’s
in my house, it belongs to me!”
– “You know what this is? This is where I warm up.”
– (as Pooh) “Slap yourself.” – “This is where
I warm up. This is–” “Slap yourself.”
– “Slap yourself.” – “Punch yourself
in the face.” – “Choke yourself out.”
– “Tear the curtains–” – (Mike) “You’re my honeypot.”
– “Bitch, I bought ’em. “I’ll put ’em– tear ’em.
Tear ’em again. Call yourself a donkey.”
– (laughter) – “Take off
your underwear. Now stuff them inside of you.”
– “You’re a sad donkey.” (normal voice)
– “Stuff them what? No, I ca–” (as Pooh)
– “Stop. I want you to put “your soiled underwear
in your mouth, you fucking slut.”
– (laughter) – (normal voice) Just like,
I don’t like this at all. – (imitates whining dog)
– (as Pooh) “Your father warned you what a pig you were.”
– (as Pooh) “I should’ve never married a Polack.”
– (laughter) – “You’re dumb.
You’re dumb, pink people.” – “I can meet your mom
for five minutes and know this is
going nowhere good.” (child’s voice)
– “Mommy, is everything okay?” – “No, Mommy’s just
learning a lesson.” – (laughter)
– “Isn’t that right, you eighth Spanish
piece of shit?” (child’s voice)
– “The puppy stopped moving.” – Yeah. “I don’t–
well, the puppy “wants to crawl to you
’cause he loves you. Look, you whack the puppy
with the broom.” – “Honey, I’d love to come to
your parent-teacher conferences, but that’s what your
fucking mother is for.” – “Oh, I’m sorry,
I guess your mother’s “the one out earning
all the money. “No, she’s walking
around the neighborhood with her big, fake tits.” (laughter) “You know who bought
those big-ass cans? Yeah, you’re looking at him.”
– “El Chapo, right here.” – “A goddamn yellow bear.” – “Consider me El Presidente
of the cave.” – “Me, ichiban, number one.” – (laughter) Ichiban! “Tiger Woods of this house.”
– “Here’s what your “former barslut of a mother
doesn’t understand. “I’m the earner,
she’s the one that’s there for me to fuck whenever,
right?” – “Honey, this’ll be hard
for you to understand but…” – “You’re a child.”
– “…I should’ve left that slob where I found her.”
– (Dan) Yeah. – “On the floor
of a TGI Friday’s.” – “Let’s just say
I should’ve kept it an hourly rate
with your mother.” (laughter) – Go get the police.
– (normal voice) Yeah, dude. It’s fucked up, man.
It’s fucked up when you find o– (as Pooh)
– “If you tell what you saw here, our whole f–”
– Stephanie says– – “They’ll take you
away from us.” – How about he was–
– Dude, he was abusing alcohol, marijuana, and Adderall.
Dude, sounds like Jim’s a fun hang.
– Yeah, he would show up uninvited while intoxicated
on Adderall. – Uninvited?
– While he was kicking puppies, he was refolding towels
and shit. – He’s refolding towels
and business ideas are flying. – (Jay) Yeah!
– He goes, “You know what? “I don’t understand this,
I think we– “I think there’s… a r–
I think I can do my own Winnie the Pooh.”
– He’s like, “What about an Uber when the pick me up
and then I drive?” (laughter) – “That’s just something
I’m kicking around.” – “Yeah, spitballing here.”
– “You think I– is it ready– “is it ready for me to send it
to Ashton Kutcher? ‘Cause Ashton Kutcher
will invest in this stuff.” – He goes, “Stephanie,
I swear to God–” – He gets in ground level.
– “Tell me if I’m being weird. “I know I’m hammered,
I know it’s 3:00 a.m., “I just had this idea though. A Winnie the Pooh restaurant.” – Oh, yeah.
– “Jim, you’re my ex-husband. “This is inappropriate.
Please, you’re gonna wake Paul up
and he’s gonna be pissed.” (as Pooh)
– “Oh, you mean Paul the cop?” (laughter) “I’m a police officer. “Is that Winnie the Pooh “all fucked up on some purp? “Some purp and some Adderall? “I’ve been drinking gin,
Stephanie. I’m a fucking live wire–”
– Putting cough syrup in your honey?
– “I’m drinking gin.” – Like putting cough syrup
in your honey? “It’s ‘hizzurp’.”
– “I’m sipping sizzurp. Lil Weezy and I
are hanging out.” – Honey– honey is hizzurp.
– (imitating Lil Wayne) “I be “hangin’ out
with Winnie the Pooh. “I be drinkin’–
I be drinkin’– I drink syrup
with Winnie the Pooh.” (normal voice) I mean, yeah,
she’s fucking hot. (as Pooh)
“Oh, remember? Oh, I’m out of your league.” – He is a human Pooh.
– He looks like Pooh! I was just gonna say that! He looks like Pooh.
– “Here’s my wife and I’ll take that pussy
whenever I damn well want it.” – There’s– his kids don’t
even wanna be seen with him. – Yeah.
– Are his kids half black? – Yeah. Uh-oh.
– She’s black? – Is she black?
– Is she black? – And that guy can take her?
– (imitates Pooh laugh) (as Pooh)
– “Touch my belly.” (as Pooh)
– “Go on, touch it.” – Do it.
– “Touch it.” – Dude, the life of a–
the life of a fu– of a cartoon voice person
must’ve been crazy back in the old days.
– I’ll tell you this, though. I bet she can fucking stomp
on his ego real quick. She’s like, “You’re a goddamn
cartoon bear, Jim.” – “You don’t even wear pants.”
– “You fucking– “you’re a fucking bear. Stop acting like
you’re an artist.” He goes, “My band’s gonna
take off, and you know it.” – “Some– sometimes–
sometimes they let me actually do some small parts.”
– “I do some other stuff. I do Al–” Can you find out
what other voices he did? ‘Cause this guy’s fuckin’
super talented. – (Christine) He did Tigger.
– Really? – You hate taking it
away from him. Still super talented.
– Well, he is, man. – (Pooh laughing sound effect)
– You think? – Tigger was the best.
– He’s a good voiceover artist. Could do a lot of voices.
– (Jay) ‘Cause he did Pooh? – He does a lot of voices.
There’s like a video of him doing a shit-ton of voices.
– Are you equally impressed with Cree Summer? Remember her
from “Different World”? – I remember her.
– The goofy, hippyish chick. Yeah, she does th–
that’s her whole living is voiceover stuff,
Cree Summer. I just know ’cause I always
see her name in “Rugrats”
and all that shit. – Yeah, I mean, you know,
there’s people that fucking… – (Jay) What is this?
– …get a lot of money. – (Christine) It’s his IMDb–
– He was Mickey Mouse? No! – Darkwing Duck, dude.
He couldn’t have done it. – Yeah, he was.
He was Darkwing Duck. – I won’t believe this now.
– Yeah, no, Jim S– yeah, it’s Jim Starling? Yeah, Jim Starling.
– (Christine) No, his name is Jim Cummings.
– Oh, okay. – Jim Starling was another
character he voiced. – Loo– yeah, he did
Darkwing Duck. He did some crazy ones.
Go back. – Paddywhack.
– Go down to the ’90s. Motherfucker was working.
– Oh, I saw Scooby-Doo in there. (as Pooh)
– “That’s when I was on blow.” – “Clone Wars.”
– Jesus. – Look at this guy.
– (Jay) “ThunderCats.” – He’s not in the original
“ThunderCats,” though. – All right.
– Or else that g– that guy was in “TaleSpin.”
– (Christine) “TaleSpin,” yeah. – “The Karate Kid.”
– I mean, you’re moving around to the point where you’re
gonna give me a stroke. – “Transformers.”
– “The Garbage Kail P– Pail Kids” movies.
– He was Nat Nerd. – He was Afterburner
on “Transformers.” This guy couldn’t have.
– He was “Pound Puppies,” he was Princefeld
and News Reporter? – He was “Pound Puppies.”
– Keep going up. (Christine)
So he’s an asshole Hollywood guy that got a wife he wouldn’t
have gotten without success and then forced her–
treated her like an object, and she got fed up and she left,
good for her. – Dude, the same da–
it’s hilarious that you commit a rape in the same day
that you were like… (indistinct cartoon voice) “All right, Jim.
That’s good, man, we got it.” – “We got it.” And he’s like–
– “Thanks, have a good one.” He goes, “Guys, I am
fuckin’ horny.” – “I’m gonna g– I’m gonna go
fuck my wife against her will.” – He can only do Pooh
with no pants on ’cause he’s gotta
get into character. – “You know this is how
I get to the voice.” Uh, he was in a bunch of s–
He was in “The Little Mermaid.” Voice uncredited.
– “A Pup Named Scooby-Doo.” – “Chip ‘n’ Dale’s
Rescue Ran– he was Monterey Jack in
“Chip ‘n’ Dale’s.” – Shut up. Shut up.
– Wow… – It’s fun. Lotta fun.
– (Jay) Shut right the fuck up. – He was Baloo.
– He was a huntsman, a squirrel, and a dwarf
in “Snow White.” – That’s pretty big.
– Yeah, he was rolling in it. – It just– it’s such
funny names for a rapist that you’re just saying,
you like, “Oh, he was Huggable Bear, he was– look,
he was– he was Kissy Tummy.” – Kissy Tummy.
– Dude, he was Zummi Gummi. – Zummi Gummi!
– He was Twinkle Toes in “The Smurfs.”
– This guy’s Zummi Gummi and then he’s like,
“Yeah, bitch? This is my fuckin’ pussy.”
– That’d be great if h– if you had him not testify
and his lawyer in court goes, he goes, “You’re gonna tell me
right now this person can rape?” And he hold a picture of Gumm–
show the characters. “You’re gonna tell me
Gummi Zummi right here w– would take somebody against
their will?” – “You’re telling me
Darkwing Duck is a rapist?” – Imagine if his characters
come back as character witnesses in court?
– Darkwing Duck– Darkwing Duck was a hero.
– “You’re gonna tell me Capitol Critter
raped this woman?” – He was Razoul
in “Aladdin.” – “You may remember him
as Bonkers from “Raw Toonage
Sheerluck Bonkers.” – Or what about
“Tiny Toon Adventures”? He was Papa Flea
or Nasty Condor. – “Does Nasty Condor look
like a rapist to you?” – That was the rapist.
Go up. – Captain Clown Bogus.
– “The Plucky Duck Show”? He’s on a show called
“Plucky Duck” and he’s just
banging Adderall, lines of Adderall,
and showing up uninvited. He’s like, “Heyy!”
He’s just like, “Hey, I’m here!”
And they’re like, “Oh, God.” “I just got done with
‘The Plucky Duck Show’.” – “Goof Troop.”
– Yeah, dude. I remember “Goof Troop.”
Don’t shit on it. I’ll fight you.
– “I’m out there in “a fuckin’ trailer
sitting around all day “waiting for other people
to nail their lines “doing ‘Goof Troop’! “I come home, I’m sorry
I want a warm meal and a fuckin’ wet mouth.” – I cannot believe
he was Darkwing Duck. – (Mike) Yeah.
– Drake Mallard. – Herb Muddlefoot.
He was Herb Muddlefoot. – He was Dr. Iv– yeah, “I wanna
do this off your pussy.” Dude, I wish they had
a video of him like that just being all like
super crusty. He’s like, “Yeah…”
(as Pooh) “Oh, yeah, “see all this blow right here? “A nasty girl would take it
right in the butt. I wanna give you
a cocaine suppository.” (as Pooh)
– “I wanna do this off your pussy.”
– “I wish I could do this off your pussy.” – (laughter)
– “Off your pussy.” – “Off your pussy.”
Uh, “Cabin Boy,” all right. – He was Cupcake–
– “Tiny Toons Spring Break.” That was where it got
a little racy. – That’s where he started
getting into the life. The lifestyle.
– (Mike) He was Jack– He was Jack the Donkey
and Grumble the Crow. – Dude, he did– he did work on
“Batman: The Animated Series,” which is the best version
of Batman. – And “Tiny Toons After Dark.” – Yo, that’s so funny.
“Tiny Toons After Dark.” Tasmanian Devil
just eating pussy. (imitating Tasmanian Devil) – When they’re living
in the house and arguing? (imitating Bugs Bunny)
“Eh… (smacks lips) “who drank my orange juice?” – Rhonda Shear with fuckin’
little baby Tasmanian Devil. (squeaky voice)
– “Staying up all night.” Uh, Batman a– “Lion King.”
He was Ed. – Yeah, the guy’s done
fantastic work. – Who the hell was Ed
in “The Lion King”? Who the fuck was Ed?
– Who’s Ed? – Come on, dude.
– Was Ed a cab driver? – He was the one guy.
– He goes, “Hey, I’m the only human.”
– Ed was driving a safari. – “Ed here.”
– Oh, Becky Rodriguez is moving in.
– “I don’t give a rat’s behind, ’cause I’m movin’ in.”
– It’s one of the hyenas. – (Spanish accent)
It is Becky Rodriguez. – (Spanish accent)
Becky… Rodriguez. – Becky, I understand
you’re taking picture for “The Bonfire”
and then maybe “SDR Show.” Well… not yet. (Jay)
Ed is the name of one of the hyenas?
– Can you bring up Jim Cummings doing
his voices? ‘Cause I think he–
there’s like a fuckin’ mashup. ♪ Mashup video ♪
– It’s all him saying like, “Give me what’s mine.” – (various voices)
“Give me what’s mine!” “Give me what’s mine!” – “Give me what’s mine!”
– “I want ‘thom puthy’.” (laughter) He goes, “Sorry, I have
to rape in the voice first.” In order to be the voice…
– “I took your fuckin’ ass out of Reseda,
you dumb bitch.” – “I’ll say it right now, I’m gonna spit on it
before I take it.” – “Sufferin’ succotash.”
– You should do– you should do a word-for-word
Mel Gibson’s rants against hi– (as Pooh)
– “I told you– I told you to blow me
in the Jacuzzi.” (as Pooh)
– “Shut your mouth and blow me.” – Here. I mean, dude, this guy is–
this is him. – Wow.
– We’ll tweet it out. @TheBonfireSXM.
This is Jim Cummings in the Ultimate Disney
Voice-Off. I don’t know what that is,
but you know we’re gonna watch. It’s only 1:42,
what do you guys got to do? – “Let’s get dangerous.”
– Yeah. – Yeah, I mean, you guys were–
– (Jay) No shit. – You guys were a little too
fuckin’ on the nose there. They go,
“What is this guy, takin’ ass against
people’s will?” And they go,
“Don’t look at his wife.” “Pl– don’t show this
to his wife. If you could not show this
to Mrs. Cummings.” – “Jim, we’ll see
you and the wife on the red carpet, I trust.”
– He goes, “Eh…” – (Jay) “You’ll see me.”
– “We’ll see if she’s out of her pu–
her punishment closet”. – Now she’s just getting sad.
– “Guys, as your resident “Disney expert,
I appreciate you allowing me my privacy and process
at this difficult time.” Oh, absolutely.
Sorry, Falcone. – Thoughts and prayers.
– They hire monsters too. Uh…
– (Jay) Hell yeah. – Don’t look into
Disney’s practices, their business practices,
you’re gonna find some gross stuff.
– Yeah, I think there’s Illuminati shit– – I hear like there’s some
real dark anti-Semitism… – Yeah, Walt Disney
straight up hated Jews. – Huffin’ ether
and funding Hitler. (Dan doing Mickey Mouse voice)
– “Well, that’s why I ma– “that’s why I made myself
a mouse. (giggles)
“Oh, I don’t like the hook-nosed Jew.
What about you, Goofy?” – He built a wall
around Florida. – He became the one thing
Jews are terrified of, mice. – “Well, gee, Minnie…” (laughter) – “12 tribes?
More like 12 problems.” (laughter) – 12 tr… – “Walt Disney’s grandniece
backs up “Meryl Streep’s racism claims. Anti-Semite? Check.
Misogynist?” (all)
“Of course!” – Let’s just go to this video
of Jim Cummings. (Jim Cummings)
“…dangerous, pal.” “Oh, you know, girl, looky here.
Let’s get dangerous, yeah.” – He’s just doing
Dustin Rhodes. (Jim Cummings)
“Let’s get dangerouthhh.” “Let’s get dangerous.” – Yeah, I totally see this dude
raping chicks. (Jim Cummings)
“What is a duck?” (as Pooh)
“Oh, bother. Let’s get, um,
dangerous.” (normal)
Don’t ask me for Kaa, ’cause that’s kinda
evil– evil Pooh. (as Darkwing Duck)
“Let’s get dangerous.” (as character)
“Let’s get dangerrr-ous.” It’s hard to roll the R
in the “dangerous”– – Pause this? Dan, is this
what you do all day? (laughter) Just sit in a mirror
with pictures of things and give ’em a voice like… (deep, slurred voice)
“Evening, I’m Petey the Cow.” – Jay, can I–
– “And I have a looong tail.” – Jay, can I– can you
give me my moment?” – Sure.
– It’s not by myself, it’s not in the mirror,
I’m not a fucking psychopath. It’s flash cards
with Vecchione– – (laughter)
– In the kitchen hallway. And we do training,
tiger mom-style. – (Jay) Yeah.
– If I do right– – Frighten tourists.
– I get carbohydrates. If I nail all of my parts…
– He lets you have some carbs. – Some carbs. Bread,
maybe some light noodles. – Stove is on the whole time. – Oh, hand goes on it
when I screw up a voice. He goes, “Dan,
put it on the stove.” And I go, “Yo, can I do
that voice one more time? “I swear to God
I can get that. (as Rodney Dangerfield)
‘Hey, it’s Rodne–‘ oh, God… (Jay)
Dan messes up the voice… – (Dan mock whimpering)
– Dan messes up the voice, Dan gets the hot.
You want the hot? – “Mike, please don’t
fucking do this!” – Do you want the hot?
– “Please don’t fucking do th–” – You want the hot?
Dan wants the hot. You want the hot?
– “Let’s get dangerous.” – Ohh, okay, okay, okay.
Look, whoa, look who woke up. – Oh, it’s all right, Dan.
– Oh, look who woke up with a little
third degree burn. – “Oh, fuck, please let me
go to sleep.” – Now, Dan, I guess
my question is why couldn’t we do that
without the hurt? Why did I have to
give you the hot? – “Let’s get dangerous.”
– There we go. There we go.
– “Please, let’s get dangerous.” – There we go.
– “I’m gonna pass out ’cause of the pain.”
– Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. But we stay in character,
don’t we? – “Please! Fuck,
for the love of Christ. Let’s get dangerous.”
– Where are you f– where are you feeling the pain?
– “Oh, fuck! I wanna fuckin’ die!”
– Where are you feeling the pain exactly?
– “I wanna fucking die. Bring me my sweet end.
Let’s get dangerous.” – Where did you
get hurt exactly? – “It’s fucking–
Vecchione, it’s bleeding “all over the fucking place. It didn’t cauterize,
it made it worse.” – “I’m very thin-blooded.”
– “I think– “I’m taking baby Aspirin
’cause I’m flying a lot.” – (laughter)
– (normal voice) All right, let’s keep watching this
’cause it’s… (Jim Cummings as character)
“Wrong spot, back to it.” (as King Louie)
“Oh yeah, man. Let’s get daaangerous.”
– I remember him. (Cummings cackling
as Kamari) “Uh, uh, uh, le–
uh, let’s get, uh… uh, dangerous.” (as character)
“Let’s get dangerous, chap. With a slice of cheese
on the side.” – (Christine) Jim…
– (Dan) That is so weird. – Dan. Dan, Dan, Dan.
– (Dan) Yeah? – Tell me again that
he’s really, really talented and I’m quitting the show.
– He’s not talented. He’s a rapist.
– It’s stupid. What he’s doing is buffoonery.
– It’s pretty cool he gets paid for it.
– (Mike) We could all do it. – It is cool
he gets paid for it but every one of us
can do this. – You can’t do it,
you can’t do it. – He’s like,
I want you to… (laughter) – You can’t do it.
– Yes, I can do. Yes, I can do.
– Say “let’s get dangerous” in that cat’s voice. – Just this guy right here?
– That cat. (imitating cat)
– “Let’s get dangerous.” – Pretty good.
– Why wouldn’t it be good? It’s just not my voice.
That’s all he’s doing. – Now do that bear.
Now do that bear. (high-pitched voice)
– “Let’s get dangerous.” – All right, let’s see.
Let’s go to the tape. Let’s go to the tape. Let’s go to the tape.
– I mean, li– – Let’s go to the tape.
Let’s go to the fucking tape. – I’ll do voices for– – Let’s go to the tape!
Let’s go to the tape. (Jim Cummings)
– …the Bear? (grumbles as
Humphrey the Bear) – Mine was better.
– Yours was better. – No. (Jim as Humphrey)
“Let’s get dangerous. But do it safely.”
“Lets–” – (Mike) Yeah, do that thing.
– I mean, it’s basically all the same voice.
– It’s mindless, stupid work. If this guy had money
from what he was doing, he wouldn’t have that
nose skin cancer or whatever’s happening
up there. – He wouldn’t h– he wouldn’t
have to rape either. – Yeah, he’d be–
it’d be raining pussy on him. He wouldn’t have to fuck
his own dumb wife. – Dude, what if somehow
he just hears this and he just fuckin’–
he’s all bearded up and crazy on Adderall
just outside. – (giggling hysterically)
– He’s like, “J– Jay Oakerson,
it’s time to get dangerous.” (laughter) – He’s on top
of the Fox building. – “What can only be described
as the first mass shooter with multiple voices…” (makes whooshing sound)
“In between clips, he would talk in a different
silly cat’s voice.” (silly cat voice)
– “This next room’s getting lit up by a rabbit wearing
a top hat!” – (cartoon giggling) “Go against me,
pay the price.” (laughter) (cartoon voice)
– “Death to the infidels.” (cartoon voice)
– “There’s nowhere to hide.” (cartoon voice)
– “Allah is your one true god.” (cartoon giggling) (as Pooh)
– “I believe in settling all scores.” (cartoon voice)
– “Crowd work yourself out of this one.”
– “I’ve been radicalized.” (cartoon giggling) (as Pooh)
– “The caliphate will stand”. (laughter) “Allah Akbar.” – “Allah Akbar.
Allah Akbar.” – “Death to the infidel,
I always say. Why not murder the Westerners?”
– “I have to pray–” – “They seem–
they seem so tedious.” – “Now I must pray
to the east.” – “I, um… Russia is moth–
Mother Russia is true love.” (as Darkwing Duck)
“Let’s get dangerous.” (normal voice)
I’m coming for this dude’s job. Darkwing Duck–
– We all are. – Stop it.
– We’re all going for this guy’s job.
– Stop telling everyone, dude. I wanna be the only one
that applies. – Look at Jacob,
look at that smile. First time you’ve smiled
in four weeks. ‘Cause he thinks
he can do this job. (fire crackling) Go ahead, Jaco–
please, Christine, don’t– don’t hold me back on this guy’s
wild talent any longer. – (Christina) Oh, I thought you
were gonna do the voice. – (Matt) Yeah.
– Do it. – Oh, do a voice
for this guy right here? – It’s Darkwing Duck, dude. – I don’t know
Darkwing Duck’s voice. You’re saying do a voice.
– Good, good, good. Just go from your–
go from your soul. – You fucking hippy. – You’re missing
what I’m saying. I do appreciate, Mike,
you telling me to go from my soul,
and I appreciate the crystal you put in my pocket before you
said that nobody saw. – (laughter) He goes, “He–”
he goes, “Hey, baby bird, fly with those wings.”
– Be your own duck, man. – It’s not that.
That’s what I’m saying, it is. I can just do, like,
if you’re like pick a voice… – Let’s get dangerous.
– …for this guy here– – Do– oh, don’t just fucking
walk through it, Mike. – No, that was Italian
Darkwing Duck. – No, it wasn’t.
– “Let’s get fuckin’ dangerous.” – “Let’s get dangerous.”
– Yeah. – “Do you wanna get
dangerous with me?” – “You think I don’t wanna
get dangerous? (Italian music playing)
– P– play– play… – “I’ma duck, of course
my wings are dark.” – Sebastian Darkwing Duck? (laughter) – “You ever had duck meat?
It’s dark.” – “It’s always dark.”
– “Your f–” – “The wing a’particularly.” (as Jerry Seinfeld)
– “Why is it called Darkwing Duck?” “Shouldn’t he
be called Duck? Of course it’s a dark wing,
it’s a duck!” – (as Seinfeld) “It’s a duck.”
– “You’re feedin’ me the crust– – Oh man, this just made me
think of senile Seinfeld. I forgot about
sen– seni– (as Seinfeld)
“Where am I? Who are you? “Where are my nurses? “What’s the deal with
going out of my room? “I’ve got full agoraphobia. You’re an agoraphobic.” (as Seinfeld)
– “Where’s all my money?” – “Ahh! The Filipino nurses
are stealing all my stuff!” – Put on fuckin’ Rutger Hauer,
last of his demo tape. (laughing)
– Rutger Hauer? (Jim Cummings as wolf)
– “Let’s get dangerous. Hmph, but you knew that.” – What? All right. I misspoke,
he d– he stinks. – Poo.
– He’s awful. – He’s Winnie the Pooh, man.
– But you supported this rapist for so long.
– I didn’t support a rapist. – You said– you said
he was so talented he couldn’t have done this. – You had his poster
on your wall. – I started
FreeJimCummings.com. – “Play like
a champion today.” – Guys, I’m doing a benefit
for Jim Cummings. – All the proceeds
of Dan’s shows are going to the legal fees
of Jim Cummings. – Yeah, to stop that lying bitch
of an ex-wife he has. (laughter) – Dan’s gonna adopt his son.
– I just go real hard– – Lying bitch.
– I go, “Look at that slut. She’s lying.” You go,
“Jesus Christ, Dan, she’s a fuckin’ victim.”
– Look at that tall drink of lies.”
– Nah, man. That– that– that looks like a guy
that flies off the handle ’cause he knows she’s out
of his– his league. – And we’re not here
to victim blame– – You know what I mean?
He looks like he gets drunk and is like–
– “Who’s she fucking?” (as Pooh)
– What’re you, texting your trainer again?”
– (laughter) – “Is that what you’re doing?” She’s like, “Jim, please not
in the Pooh voice.” – Let’s get dangerous. – That’s his– that’s
his hammered thing, he goes, “Let’s get dangerous.”
– And then passes out. Face first in spaghetti.
– She goes… (sniffing) She says, “Jim,
are you drunk?” He goes,
“Let’s get dangerous.” (laughter) – “You dangerous?”
She goes, “What?” – (Mike retches)
– He goes, “I had to say that fuckin’ 500 times today so
you can keep this fucking ho–” – “So you can live your life.
Where were you? “Were you at your SoulCycle? L– let’s get dangerous.” – “Was Derek
training you again?” – “You love Derek, you say
he plays the jams. – (Jay) Mmm.
– “Let’s get dangerous.” – “You say he really knows
how to get you moving. I know what the fuck you mean.”
– (makes gun cocking sound) “Let’s get dangerous.”
“Jim, put the revolver down.” – “I am gonna put it down,
I’m gonna put it right here, “and I’m gonna spin it,
I’m gonna spin it. (overlapping chatter) – “Guess what?
You’re about to blow the head off Winnie the Pooh.”
– (Mike) “Daddy?” – “You’re about to bl–”
(as Pooh) Oh, let’s hope the chamber’s empty.”
(making clicking sound) (as Pooh)
– “Another season for Pooh”. – “Looks like Pooh gets to
go back to his special place.” – “It’s the autumn
of my life.” – He goes, “Convince me
you didn’t fuck him and I won’t do it.”
– “Say it. Say it,
show me the receipts.” – Show me the receipts.
– “Show me you went bowling with Allison.”
– “Unlock the Samsung.” – “Oh, can you do
Pooh and Tigger?” (laughter) “You’re about
to do ’em both. ‘About to do ’em both
right here, “right here on
the linoleum floor. That I paid for.” (laughter) (normal voice)
Well, he’s a piece of shit. – Yeah, rot in hell.
– Yeah. – Rot in hell,
you piece of shit. – The weirdest thing
that I read– so, she left and took
the kids to Utah in 2017… – That is weird.
– …and he came to visit the kids
and, uh, he was standing– she woke up
to him standing over her with an erection while like,
her kid was in the bed with her. – Right?
– And so– (laughing) – (Dan and Jay gasping)
– And then she put a second restraining order
on him, so this is a chick… – One for his dick?
– …trying to get away from this guy, and he keeps
doing creepy stuff to like keep her
under his thumb. (as Pooh)
– “Wakey-wakey, eggs and bac-y.” (laughter) (as Pooh)
– Oh, about to play my bugle. – (Jay) “Cock-a-doodle-doo!”
– “Oh, look who’s up at– – “Cock-a-doodle-doo!”
– (making rooster sounds) (as Darkwing Duck)
– “Let’s get dangerous.” (laughter) “Oh, Jim, you’re here?”
– He does the thing where he slaps her
so she sits up into it, and so it goes,
“Wha– (gurgling) Oh, Jim!
(spitting) Jim!” – She’s in Utah,
she goes home, You have 12 new messages.
Message one: “Let’s get dangerous.”
– (Dan) Beep. – Message two…
– “Oh, let’s get dangerous.” – “Let’s get dangerous.” – “I’m in the attic.”
– (laughter) – “I’m gonna kill you
in your sleep, you stupid bitch.”
Beep. “Let’s get dangerous.” (cartoon voice)
– “I’m on my way to your mom’s house!”
– (Jay) But it’s a– – “I don’t know what
I will do!” – Beep.
He goes… (as Pooh)
“This is the last time “I’m gonna say this
and I mean it. “So listen up:
you are going to die.” Beep. – “I’m not sure
if that cut off.” – “I don’t know, I–
it’s weird that “we still have
an old-school message machine. Uh, you’re gonna di–”
Beep. “Goddamnit, I mean, really? I feel like Favreau
in ‘Swingers’.” – Beep.
– (laughter) – Beep. “I am the righteous arm
of God’s fury.” – Beep. “I am the sheep
and the shepherd.” The cop comes over
and he goes, “Hey, uh,
is that Winnie the Pooh? That like the real
Winnie the Pooh?” – “Can you play that again?”
– (Dan) The detectives… – Beep.
(speaking demonic gibberish) – He goes, “Ah, he’s
just trying around with a little Latin.” – He’s tinkering
with some Latin. (fire crackling) – I can’t turn around,
I don’t wanna have people see my face
and then awkwardly stare like that guy just did. So I’m gonna have
my back to the camera, but not to Jay. I would never turn
my back on Jay. For, you know,
for the right price, maybe. I– I don’t know.
I wouldn’t turn on you. I mean, I might,
I don’t know. Who’s this guy?
Look at this old guy. Get him. Is he an angel?
We don’t know. Are you done?
Are you done texting your other co-hosts?
– Yes. ♪♪ – Man, Christine’s like
really eating soup like she’s on production
taking a break. (laughter) – (Dan) Look at Christine.
– (Jay) Soup and a phone call? – Wheelin’ and dealin’
Christine. (Jacob)
What kind of soup did she get? – (Jay) Huh?
– (Jacob) What kind of soup? (Jay)
Christine, what kind of soup did you get? – Um, sweet corn chowder
with bacon. – Sweet corn chowder
with bacon? Basically sugar stew,
am I right? – (laughter)
– She don’t give a shit. – She doesn’t observe
the same rules. (Christine)
480 calories with bacon. – All right, I didn’t ask
for a count. Jay, why do you got me
fighting your battles? – What’d you say, Dan?
Did you come at her hard? – Mm-hmm.
– You don’t like her eating chowder?
– I hate it. – You think it’s
making her look big? I don’t agree with you,
I think she looks fantastic. (laughter) – I got fucking bread too. – You gonna eat it?
You’re trash. (Christine)
You’re just jealous. – Are you making
fucking bread croutons? (Dan)
Why, are you– are you mad at her?
– No, not at all. (Dan laughing) – You’re definitely
ruining it. (Christine)
Not even a little bit. It’s so good.
– Do you feel betrayed? – She put a loaf of bread
in that thing. – It’s not a loaf of bread,
this is a piece of bread. I ripped off like
a tiny piece. – That’s the other
piece of bread. That’s all the bread I ate.
– Christine, Christine, also, keep that thing down,
that homeless guy might come back and fuckin’
swipe down like a hawk. – Oh, that guy’s coming
like a fuckin– like a hungry pigeon,
like a Bronx pigeon who just fuckin’ hit paydirt. – That’s like a chuckwagon
piece of bread. – Yeah, that’s old-timey.
– Good lord. – Yeah, you got settler food.
– Yeah, that’s the kind of bread they give you at a shelter.
– Yeah. – “Take this
to fill your stomach ’cause you’re not gonna eat
for a couple weeks.” – Do you want us
to circle the wagons so no ca-yotes come
and take your fuckin’ stew? – Stoppin’ for chow.
– Yeah, stoppin’ for chow. – Throw it back on the flame. (Dan whistling) – She’s eating with
that music playing. (whistling) (Jay)
You made it a bread bowl. – Fuck you guys.
– (laughter) – Why are you putting
the bread on the top? In case you decide
to go back at it? (laughter) – Welcome to “The Bonfire”
shame diet. – (laughter)
– Where we shame you, shame you into fuck–
– Just know you’re on camera. – Look at Lou,
look at how great Black Lou looks,
look at that! (Jacob)
I definitely eat bread alone in my apartment.
– What? – Not Christine. She just brings it
right out. Christine just parks herself like she’s an art installment
eating bread. (Christine)
Only fat girls don’t eat bread in public. – Or… depends how fat. Then they go,
“I don’t give a shit anymore.” You’re not gonna
get better bread than when you’re in public.
– Don’t forget your bag. – Oh yeah. Oh, this? My vegetable chips
and tuna fish. (laughter)

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